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Mother and baby

Editor's Note: Science has shown that the early patterns we set can help or hinder our parenting for years beyond. Many new parents want the tools and support to help create a relationship of trust and attachment with their babies, and to learn to mindfully manage the stress and pressure that often comes with the world's toughest yet most rewarding job. As part of the launch of our new BabyMap portal, I spoke with facilitators from Listening Mothers (LM), an eight-week program of the Community of Mindful Parents that helps new parents reduce stress and increase well-being. We've assembled a Q & A that peeks into what this approach is all about, plus some tips that parents can use with children of any age.

Meet our virtual panel:

Rama Ronen, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy. She works at the Entelechy Wellness Center with expectant, new, and experienced mothers. "Mindfulness" is integrated throughout her practice.

"Wow, is it challenging to be a mom these days? Absolutely! As a mom of three and from listening to other moms I find it at time overwhelming to trust what is “right” and what is wrong. I would like to encourage all of us to become more familiar with that critical voice and practice being kind to one’s self and remember that we are doing the best that we can."

Gigi Wickwire is a mom to a new baby, a LM facilitator since 2011, a registered nurse with a master’s in clinical social work and a former doula.

“Being in baby time — going slower than the culture what might want us to go — is so complementary to a mindfulness practice. It’s made the word of different in my relationship with my son. There is something pretty exquisite when we pause and listen with our inner listening.”

Yaffa Maritz is a co-founder of Listening Mothers and clinical director of both Listening Mothers and Reflective Parenting, and she is founder and director of the Community of Mindful Parents. Maritz was born and trained in Israel as a clinical psychologist. She is also a licensed mental health counselor trained in infant mental health.

"We know from research that mother's touch enhances attachment between mother and her baby. It can signify security and can generate positive emotions. We especially encourage mothers to experiment with what we call "reflective touch," which follows the guidelines of our program and is a way of conveying a respectful, empathic, sensitive ways of relating."

Why are we so stressed today as parents?

In our competitive society today we all feel somehow less than adequate, and mothers instinctively want to be the best mothers they can be so that their child will thrive. But they are feeling great pressure both from the inside themselves and from the outside to perform in a certain “perfect” way. Because of that pressure, they end up with a barrage of self-doubt and self-judgment.

In our groups we help mothers develop skills to become more mindful so they can notice those judgmental and highly critical thoughts when they come and go and then understand that they, as mothers, are bigger and better than those crippling thoughts.

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Editor's Note: Teenworthy is a column written by teens for parents and teens. Today's guest writer is an 8th grader fighting cancer and raising money to help other people with the same illness, Ewing sarcoma. Read her story here and then use the column to start conversations with your own friends or kids. If you have a burning question for a teen or know of any teens who want to write for Teenworthy, let us know.

My name is Kat. Up until March of this year, I was your typical 8th grader. I love horseback riding (eventing), skiing, and spending time with friends and family. Recently, I had just got back from a ski trip to Whistler/Blackcomb and was sitting in my class when a guest, an American who provided aid in Rwanda during the genocide, came to speak to us. When the fighting started he was told by the U.S. to leave, but the man told us he said no. He stayed in Rwanda for the whole duration of the genocide helping orphan kids while gunshots rang out. I remember sitting in the audience and saying to myself, I want to make a difference like this someday.

Little did I know how soon that day would come.

On March 5, 2013 I went from skiing down the peaks of Whistler and jumping over three-foot jumps on my horse Scooter to being a teenage girl who might have a rare and serious form of cancer. I went to the doctor to have a large bump on my thigh checked out. I was told what I thought might be a bad bruise had a 95 percent chance of being cancer.

In those first weeks I had to do things I never thought I’d even be able to do. I stayed perfectly still for half an hour while I went through a tube barely bigger then my body with a camera that sounded like gunshots. I got my first IV, and I had pictures taken of my body while a panel rested three inches away from my nose. I had two surgeries (leg and lung) to perform biopsies. And at the time these didn't seem like big deals, but looking back I don't know where I found the strength to do those things.

I've realized through the small part I've gone through so far that you find strength in so many things: friends, family, and of course my horse, Scooter.

After all of the tests and a very stressful couple of weeks, I was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer — Ewing sarcoma — which has about 250 diagnosed childhood cases a year in the U.S.

In the beginning I had no trouble telling people that I had cancer. Actually, I'm pretty sure when I told most people I had a smile on my face. But with every doctor visit, phone call and day that went on, it became harder because more and more information sank in. I began to realize how hard it was going to be and how much my life was going to change.

book_mondaysHow many times would you say you apologize in any given week? If you’re like many working moms, the answer is waaaaay too many, and you might be unaware you’re doing it.

When I interviewed working moms around the country for my book I Love Mondays: And Other Confessions from Devoted Working Moms, women listed all sorts of scenarios that left them saying sorry: Not having time to chaperone their child’s class field trip; being unwilling to attend a meeting so they could go to their child’s recital; being unable to track down their child’s last annual physical for the camp nurse. On it goes … and many working moms apologize by default, hoping it will ease the stress.

But here’s the rub: When we apologize repeatedly for things we didn’t do, we send a message to others that we’re to be blamed. Worse, we’re modeling for our kids that we should apologize even when we did nothing wrong. So, here are a few quick ways to reign them in.

Track your sorries

The first step is realizing how much you are actually doing it. If you’re not sure but suspect that you might be on overload, follow the advice of clinical psychologist Janet L. Wolfe, Ph.D. and log your apologies.

For one week, write down each time an “I’m sorry” pops out of your mouth, what led to it and how you were feeling at the time.

Next, try to find out what your patterns are: Do you apologize when you’re nervous? Overtired? Feeling guilty for upsetting someone?  Megan, a 38-year-old divorce attorney and mom to a 7-year-old, says, “I realized after paying careful attention that I apologize if I’m rushing and feel like I have to fix things quickly — not because I did something wrong.”

Once you know your trigger, you can slow yourself down in those situations and pay attention to what whether you’re just throwing an apology out of habit or because it’s warranted.

Show compassion without apologizing

OK, you caught yourself on the brink of apologizing but this is your chance to change things. What do you do in the moment where you’re triggered? Suggests parenting expert and therapist Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., “When you realize you’re on the verge of saying “I’m sorry,” stop and take a deep breath (inhale until that breath reaches your heart before you exhale).

Listen to the Birds
Listen to the Birds

Today, we're giving away two copies of Listen to the Birds: An Introduction to Classical Music, book/CD set that is introduces kids to classical music through the discovery of similarities between notes produced by instruments and birdsong. The accompanying CD offers excerpts of 20 different recordings performed by world-class orchestras.

To enter to win, simply leave a comment on this post, and include your email in Disqus (not publicly) so that we can contact you!

Additional entries will be given for the following (leave an extra comment for each action to let us know):

1. Become a ParentMap e-news subscriber
2. Follow ParentMap on Pinterest
3. Like ParentMap on Facebook
4. Follow ParentMap on Twitter
5. Like Sugar Mountain on Facebook
6. Share this post on Facebook
8. Tweet this post on Twitter

The giveaway ends Monday, May 20, at noon. We will leave a comment reply for the winner by the end of the day.

Make sure to check back to see if you've won if you haven't already heard from us by email!

We are fortunate to have so many film festivals in the Pacific Northwest because they give us the opportunity to experience films – and cultures, languages and stories – we wouldn't otherwise be exposed to. The Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF), which runs from May 16 through June 9, is the largest film festival in the United States, and this year's program offers an interesting variety of family-friendly cinema.

In addition to special festival previews of big summer Hollywood movies like Epic and Monsters University, the Films4Families program at SIFF will screen features from France, Germany, and Japan as well as a large sampling of short films from all over the world – 20 movies, features and shorts in all.

To help you plan your family's movie-going fun we've organized our SIFF guide by the weekends when all the family films will be shown. There is a diverse mix of films in this lineup and we encourage you to go beyond your expectations and seek out something new (Ernest & Celestine) or old (Safety Last!)

SIFF family picks, May 18 and 19

epicEpic
May 18, 10:30 a.m., Pacific Place Cinemas
May 19, 4 p.m., Pacific Place Cinemas

The first weekend of the festival kicks off with a preview of Epic, the latest film from Blue Sky Studios, the people who brought us Ice Age and Rio. A girl finds herself magically transported to the world of tiny leaf people and caught in a battle between good and evil. It's based on William Joyce's book The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs. The Blue Sky folks have proven with films like Horton Hears a Who that they know what they're doing when they adapt a children's book, or create a compelling fantasy world, and Epic looks like it will continue this success.
Length and rating: 90 minutes. Rated PG for mild action, some scary images, and brief rude language

celestineErnest & Celestine
May 19, 10 a.m. SIFF Cinema Uptown

Ernest & Celestine is a French animated feature about a mouse who dreams of one day meeting a bear and the unlikely friendship that develops when her dream comes true. The hand-painted animation, evocative of a children's book illustration brought to life, is becoming increasingly rare in our 3D animated world. Ernest & Celestine is an opportunity to experience a charming story in a unique and engaging way.
Length and rating: 79 minutes. All ages, recommended for children over 6. In French with English subtitles.

Get animated workshop: Animation Workshop for Kids (ages 8-14)
May 19, 1 p.m., SIFF Film Center

Interspersed with film showings are several workshops for budding filmmakers, including this one. Using flipbooks, participants will gain the basic skills of stop-motion.