Perhaps you've sat near an overzealous cell phone user recently, or
have had a door swing unapologetically in your face. Maybe you've been
forced to listen to foul language in public or have waited at a counter
while employees carry on exhaustive personal conversations. If so, you
have witnessed what many people describe as a disturbing increase in
rudeness in American society.
In a recent Associated Press-Ipsos poll, 69 percent of those surveyed
felt that Americans are ruder now than they were 20 or 30 years ago.
And 93 percent of respondents point the finger at parents who don't
teach their children manners. Heidi Baier, Everett mother of
17-month-old Sam, is among those concerned. "Parents are too busy to
sit down and take the time to instill proper etiquette," she says. "Our
children don't know how to behave in social situations and are becoming
more and more disrespectful."
Trying to raise polite children in an increasingly rude society may
seem like a daunting task, but it boils down to a very simple concept:
leading by example. "If parents are a good model, and children are
learning language, manners such as please, thank you and excuse me can
be taught," says local parenting educator Jan Faull. "Specific table
manners such as buttering your bread or cutting your meat just right
are a little complex for a child under 3."
Denise Weinstein, a Bellevue mother who teaches both preschool and
infant classes, used signing to introduce manners to her two children,
now ages 5 and 8. "They were able to sign 'please' and 'thank you' at 9
months of age," Weinstein says. "By the time they could actually say
the words, they already understood the concept of manners." For
Weinstein, signing was a success. "People would often be shocked at how
polite my kids were at such a young age, and yet it was such a simple
thing to teach them."
"Do as I say, not as I do" has always been a risky parenting strategy,
and this is particularly true when teaching children etiquette.
Modeling good manners is essential in raising polite children. Young
children are learning from their parents' interactions with their
spouse and other family members, as well as from their exchanges with
the outside world, experts agree. So parents should make sure not to
check their manners at the door. "Parents need to be careful about
their manners," Faull cautions. "Children are great mimics and if you
begin to use manners yourselves, children are just going to follow
suit."
Considering the recent survey, many of today's parents may have manners
that are not up to par. To remedy this, Faull recommends parents pick
up a book on manners, not only to improve their own behavior but also
to be more deliberate about what they want to pass on to their
children. When reading, she says parents should ask themselves, "How do
I want my children to behave, and how can I go about this process in a
low-key but intentional way?"
Peggy Post and Cindy Post Sinning offer advice specifically geared toward parents in their book, The Gift of Good Manners.
The authors detail what parents can teach their children at each
developmental stage and suggest ways to deal with challenges that might
arise.
In her recent book Talk to the Hand,
author Lynne Truss discusses the decline of manners in society.
"Consideration for others being the foundation of manners, children
ought to be taught to use courtesy words because they thereby learn an
important social habit: to remember there are other people in the
world," Truss writes.
Laura Mackenzie, a freelance writer, lives in Redmond with her husband and two children, ages 5 and 16 months.
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