Your Top Back-to-School Questions, Answered by These Experts
Middle school: How much should I step back?
Jessica Lahey: Middle school is a total setup: We ask kids without a complete frontal lobe to take on more responsibility, including lockers and rotating schedules. We know they can’t do that all perfectly. The expectation is that they will screw up.
We — the media, parents and other influencers — make parents feel like the stakes are so high that there is no room for that kind of failure. No. 1: That’s not true. No. 2: Instead of helping your kid [by stepping in when they mess up], you are eradicating the very purpose of a middle school teacher.
My job is to walk around and find kids who are flailing and try to help them come up with their own strategies. When the parent dashes in with the forgotten homework, I look at that situation and say that’s too bad. Sure, the child won’t get a zero that day, but so much else is lost. They’re not going to have the opportunity to have the full impact of consequences.
When a student feels loved and accepted by a trusted teacher who helps them understand there are consequences, that leads to growth. Now is not the time to rush in and rescue your child. Teachers have three years to prepare them for high school, and the expectation is the kids are going to screw up all over the place. [If parents step back,] teachers are well equipped to help kids.
