Teen Dating Violence: Warning Signs and How Parents Can Help

When I was 17, I left home and moved to another state with a man who was five years older than me. Insecure and scared, I believed the specific clothes and makeup he bought me meant he loved me. I dyed my hair the color he asked. He would appear outside my work unannounced to watch me through the window. Control soon gave way to violence — all before my 18th birthday.

When I spoke with other moms, their stories weren’t dissimilar. And as parents, looking at how young our teens really are, the idea that they might repeat these patterns is terrifying. Unfortunately, abusive teen relationships and teen dating violence are more common than you might think. According to a 2021 survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 12 high schoolers have experienced physical dating violence and 1 in 10 have experienced sexual dating violence. It’s a malady that goes beyond the confines of physical abuse, too, with cyberstalking and other forms of digital abuse on the rise.

In February of 2026, a bill was introduced to the House to designate February as “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.” This bill cites a 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Survey that almost half (44.3 percent) of teens experienced at least one type of violence. These statistics are disturbing, to say the least. 

What does violence in teen relationships look like?

We tend to think of physical abuse when talking about violence. Both physical and sexual abuse are certainly among the types of abuse teens may be experiencing, but abuse can come in many other forms. Emotional and psychological abuse are prevalent. The CDC states, “Teens often think some behaviors, like teasing and name-calling, are a ‘normal’ part of a relationship. However, these behaviors can become abusive and develop into serious forms of violence.” Other common forms of teen relationship abuse can be digital, such as checking phone or email regularly without permission, cyber stalking, doxing and threats to share private images.

Teens in abusive situations are likely to hide it, often out of shame or fear that parents will ban them from seeing their partner or friends.

What are some warning signs parents should watch for?

Teenage relationships are complex because children are learning to navigate the emotions of love, commitment and attraction with people who may have entirely different personalities. And while teenage love may seem innocent — and a bit dramatic — how do we know if our teen relationship issues are more than just typical? 

If you suspect your teen may be in an abusive relationship, there are red flags you may have already noticed. According to therapist Melissa Tract (LCSW, MSW) — who works with teens, tweens and young adults — parents should take notice of the following:

• Sudden withdrawal from friends, family or activities they used to love.
• Mood shifts: becoming anxious, depressed, irritable or unusually quiet.
• Unexplained bruises or cuts, or a habit of wearing long sleeves to cover injuries.
• Increased secrecy around their phone or social media.
• Seeming unable to make decisions without checking with their partner first.
• Constantly making excuses for their partner’s behavior.
• Their partner calls, texts or demands to know their location obsessively.
• A noticeable drop in grades or increased school absences.
• Loss of self-confidence, or a change in the way they talk about themselves.

Tract points out that some of these behaviors are part of normal adolescence, but as parents sometimes we need to trust our gut. “Look for patterns of change, not just one-off moments,” says Tract. 

What should parents do (and not do)?

As with anything, prevention is always the key. Having open discussions with your kids about what healthy relationships look like, talking about real-life scenarios that may demonstrate healthy or toxic relationship traits, and learning to resolve conflict without escalating to violence or name-calling are all the foundation for helping children recognize when something unhealthy is happening to them.

And that means you’re not off the hook. Look at your own relationship dynamics with partners, friends, older children or even coworkers. How do you speak about your boss or your spouse? Do you practice healthy boundaries with your own friends?

Parents are one of the most powerful protective factors in a teen’s life. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to stay connected.

When broaching the subject with your teen, practice active listening and let them lead the conversation. Teens in abusive situations are likely to hide it, often out of shame or fear that parents will ban them from seeing their partner or friends. It can also take time for them to admit any kind of abuse to you, so even if they insist everything is fine, leave the door open for further discussion. “The teens most likely to reach out for help are the ones who believe an adult will actually listen,” reminds Tract.

In addition, Tract offers parents these tips:

• Listen without taking over the conversation.
• Believe them if they disclose abuse.
• Keep the door open, even when they push back.
• Seek professional support.

She also reminds parents that some instinctual reactions may cause more harm than good. For example, don’t ban the relationship right off the bat. “This often backfires,” Tract says. “Your teen may become more secretive, more isolated, and more emotionally dependent on the very person you’re worried about. It can also increase the risk of dangerous retaliation from an abusive partner. Your goal is to stay connected to your teen, not push them away.”

And though every bit of your parenting instinct may tell you otherwise, pressuring a teen to leave an abusive relationship can put your teen in danger. Work with them and a professional to create actionable steps to leave the relationship in a safe way. A therapist can likely help you navigate this process, but don’t forget about resources like your child’s school counselors or pediatrician who can also provide resources and support. 

Avoid making your child feel as if they are being “overdramatic” or dismissing their concerns. And always be conscientious of victim shaming. According to Tract, questions like, “Why did you let this go on so long?” or “What were you thinking?” can cause damage to a vulnerable teen who is already ashamed and worried they won’t be taken seriously. 

What if my teen is the abuser? 

Though we all want to believe our children would never harm another person, it happens more than we’d care to admit. If you suspect your teen is the one causing harm, Tract suggests looking for these signs in your child’s behavior:

• A need to know where their partner is at all times.
• Anger or jealousy when their partner spends time with others.
• Going through their partner’s phone or social media without permission.
• Belittling, mocking or putting down their partner, even as a “joke.”
• Refusing to take “no” for an answer.
• Using guilt or emotional pressure to get what they want.
• Making threats, including threats of self-harm, to control the relationship.

It took me three years to get out of that violent teenage relationship, and I never told a single family member about it. At the time, I believed that it was exactly what I deserved. The idea of anyone’s child going through that is heart-wrenching, but we, as the greater parenting collective, can change patterns with the new generation.

Tract reminds parents that although situations like this can feel overwhelming, there’s good news. “Parents are one of the most powerful protective factors in a teen’s life. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to stay connected.”