7 Toys That Totally Aren’t Worth It (And What to Buy Instead)

There’s a cautionary tale I like to share with other parents around the holidays. It involves an impressionable 5-year-old (my daughter), a skeptical mother who, no matter how many times she tells herself to trust her gut never does (me), and 2106’s super-hot holiday toy (Hatchimals). Long story short, I spent $60 for about 8 minutes of entertainment, and my daughter never played with her Hatchimal again. Lesson learned, I hope. 

For many parents the holidays are filled with (sometimes impossible to fulfill) kid wishes, and even though we may know better, we feel compelled to make them come true. But I’m here to urge you to think twice if certain toys top your kid’s holiday wish list. Nothing good ever comes from the seven toys that are on my roster of terrible kids’ gifts. They’re either too messy, break easily, or make more work for parents (and who needs that during the holi-daze?); in the end, they just aren’t worth the clams you (or Grandma) will shell out. But fear not, I’ve got alternates included for each one, so your kids will still have something to look forward to when everyone sits down to open gifts.

Slime

Sensory toys are all the rage this season. And if you aren’t having much luck getting your hands on viral squishies so your kids can have a “Merry Squishmas” (who even comes up with these things?), you might be tempted to fall back on the next best thing — slime. Arguably an equally popular phenomenon of the recent past, kids always seem to be clamoring for more of the gooey stuff, no matter how many containers you’ve purchased or DIYed over the years. But before you reach for a jar topped with the cutest-ever add-ins, do yourself a favor and think again. 

Anything with glitter falls into this messy category, too. Whether it’s loose, in a set or part of a craft kit, just don’t. 

Why parents hate it: It goes without saying, but slime is one of the messiest, hardest-to-clean-up substances out there. And try as we might to keep it contained, kids always seem to sneak some into their carpeted bedrooms or, better yet, play with it near our most pristine couches and favorite rugs.     

What to buy instead: Stick with classics like clay or Play-Doh which are less messy and easier to clean up. DIY salt dough is another equally-tactile alternative that’s easy to clean.

Stuffed animals

I totally get it. They’re cute. They’re an easy purchase to make. And what kid doesn’t want every stuffed animal they see? (They all do. Trust me.) But when it comes to useless toys, stuffed animals top the list. Because besides just sitting there and collecting dust (and lice if you’re lucky enough to be gifted that surprise), what do they actually do? Nothing. Sometimes even donating them can be tricky (SAFE, aka Stuffed Animals for Emergencies, takes them for kids experiencing traumatic or emotional situations). So I’m here to say, it’s okay to skip adding to the plushy menagerie this season. 

Why parents hate them: These dust collectors don’t do much except multiply like rabbits whenever a special occasion or holiday comes around. As far as comfort items go, they can definitely serve a purpose, but a few beloved stuffies are all any kid really needs.

What to buy instead: Try a weighted blanket to replace a stuffed animal as a comfort item. Or, find a puzzle or sticker book featuring your child’s favorite animal instead of getting the plush version.  

Toy guns

I’m not going to name names here, but I think every parent knows which company sits atop this no-no item list. There’s no denying toy guns are an overwhelmingly popular gift to give, and kids of all ages want them. In fact, kids’ desire for toy guns is almost insatiable — no matter how many they have, they always seem to want more. But let’s all agree not to give these as gifts this year, okay?

Why parents hate them: For some parents, avoiding these toys is about not encouraging gun play. For others, it’s about safety. Even with the required orange tips, some of these replicas have an incredibly realistic look, and many could injure a kid if the projectile hits an eye.  

What to buy instead: Kids can get the same “chase and shoot” experience with toy wands or water balloons, but with a gentler feel. Squeeze toy poppers are another option to consider. 

Musical toy instruments

We get it. You want to encourage musicality and mathematical thinking in a developmentally appropriate way for your child. But what you’re really asking for when you hand a tambourine, shaker, kazoo, drum, maraca or set of cymbals to a kid is a headache. There’s no getting around it. Once they make that first sound, there’s no stopping them. No matter how many times you ask nicely, redirect or hide that music maker, you’re definitely fighting a lost cause. My suggestion: don’t take up the fight in the first place — ever.      

Toy microphones have a similar vibe and outcome. Avoid them if you can. But if you must, I suggest finding one with a volume control — make sure it works.

Why parents hate them: Parents — especially parents of young kids —  have enough noise in our lives. We’re not looking to add to the daily cacophony. That’s what music classes are for. 

What to buy instead: Colorful play scarves that toddlers and preschoolers can toss around are a quieter, engaging alternative. But if you’re still itching to give them an instrument, try a pair of wooden sand blocks to help keep the noise at bay.

Cheap blow-up toys

A low price point often lures unsuspecting parents into this purchase. That inflatable punching bag for your boisterous toddler; those blow-up swords for your little pirate; a pack of inflatable guitars for your future rock star — resist the temptation and avoid them all. 

Why parents hate them: Let’s just say holes come easily to this bunch. Longevity is the main issue with most of these toys, though safety is also a concern. Even if they’re inflatable, getting hit with one can still hurt, especially if a younger sibling is the target.  

What to buy instead: Look for the real thing, something that will last through the years of wear and tear that many favorite toys endure. Just ask Woody and Buzz.

Flimsy fort-building kits

I’ve been through many a fort-building kit in my 18 years of parenting, and with a few exceptions, most are too flimsy to make it through even a year of serious play. No matter the building combination — whether they’re solid panels, hollow tubes or fabric pieces; whether they’re connected by magnets, intricate plastic pieces or superstrong velcro — they just don’t seem to last. This year, resist the urge and pass on this toy favorite. I promise, it’ll be okay. 

Why parents hate them: Our kids have such high hopes for the many things they’ll build with these kits, but in the end, the pictures on the box oversell what’s inside. There are never quite enough pieces or connectors to build forts tall enough, wide enough or big enough to fit all their friends and manifest their wildest architectural dreams.

What to buy instead: If your kid craves a space to call their own, you’ll have much better luck with a play tent, hanging pod or bed tent. Little kids will have just as much fun building with a Nugget (or Nugget-like couch). Hint: Nugget just released Crayola- and Minecraft-themed versions of the popular toy. My other recommendation? Rely on your closet full of blankets to build a fort Troy and Abed would be proud to crawl around in.

Ride-on toys

I may be in the minority here, but hear me out. While ride-on toys in any form are always a popular gift for toddlers and preschoolers, they require a lot of space. My kids always ended up riding theirs around and around our kitchen island, which seems like a great idea until you realize I was trying to cook dinner (Every. Dang. Time.). For such a simple toy, they’re surprisingly high maintenance. Unless you’ve got an expansive space (indoors or outdoors) for your kid to ride this thing, you may be setting them up for disappointment or adding another to-do item to your already full list of parent responsibilities.

Why parents hate them: Not only do they require space to ride, they take up a lot of storage space in a garage, playroom or other living area.  

What to buy instead: Fully commit to the riding vibe with a scooter or bike.