Tips to Help Kids Find ‘Their Thing’ at School

Five minutes after the final bell, my favorite sound fills the hallways of the public school where I teach. It’s the sweet sound of teenage activity. The rat-a-tat of snare drums, the quiet plink of ping-pongs, the blare of Japanese cartoons, and the pulsing base of breakdancing music always makes me smile. After seven hours of encouraging students to analyze historical texts, there is nothing better than the sounds of kids simply doing their thing.  

Filling hallways with a joyful cacophony of noise isn’t the only benefit for students participating in after-school activities. When students find their thing at school, they are more likely to be happy. Friends, confidence and scholastic success are often linked with extracurricular activities. 

The joy of high school clubs and activities 

Because the best way for a kid to find their thing is to try a bunch of interesting stuff, schools fling dozens of options into the ether. It’s okay if symphonic band, flag football, philosophy club or Vietnamese dance doesn’t click. They can still try leadership, cross country, gamer club or check out an LGBTQIA+ meeting.

“I did theatre in middle school,” says Jayla, a junior at Mariner High School in Everett. “And band too. But there wasn’t enough dancing. Then I found K-pop club.” She and her friend Ezekiel, club presidents of K-pop Dance and K-pop Club, danced throughout the interview, their shoulders bouncing in sync as they took turns answering my questions. 

Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand 

Schools spend a lot of time and energy on clubs, activities and sports because these spaces are often where kids find “their thing”: that activity that just might give them joy, purpose and meaning for years to come. 

Not only is it fun to witness kids living out their passions, but it’s also incredibly beneficial for students to spend time finding their thing. In study after study, researchers continually confirm statistics about how students who participate in extracurricular activities are less likely to have unexcused absences and more likely to exhibit higher academic achievement. Motivation for extracurricular activities has a way of seeping into motivation for academics. According to one study on extracurricular activities, when students have fun or experience success in an extracurricular activity, it is “likely to create associations between the fun experienced within their extracurriculars and their scholarly activities, as both take place within the school’s environment.” In other words, students internalize the idea that school is a good place “to satisfy their basic psychological needs.” That positivity builds on itself.

Newer studies also highlight the connection between extracurricular activities and teen happiness. A 2025 Journal of Adolescence study showed that extracurricular activity motivation is positively related to academic motivation. Like a flywheel, the positive motivation has a compounding effect — buoying the psychological need for satisfaction in school, which in turn positively relates to student happiness, mood and well-being.

A 2023 study from Gallup and the Walton Family Foundation further supports this finding: “No factor is more influential in Gen Z’s overall happiness than the extent to which their work or schoolwork feels purposeful. At least six in 10 Gen Zers who are happy also say they feel they do something interesting every day (60 percent), are motivated to go to work or school (60 percent) and that the things they do at work or school are important (64 percent).”  

Convincing cautious kids  

“I’d never joined anything,” says Ezekiel, also a junior at Mariner. “I was nervous, but I did this with my friend,” he nods towards Jayla, dancing along next to him. “It’s made me more confident.” 

As a teacher and parent, I want my students and kids to do well academically. But more than anything, I want them to feel happy, fulfilled and confident. Clubs often do that. I’ve seen many lackluster students suddenly come alive in the classroom after finding success on the soccer field or in French club. Anxious kids get pulled into a thriving school community thanks to friendships forged in clubs.

This puts parents in the near-impossible position of wanting their children to get involved at school, while knowing that forcing, or merely suggesting such a thing, could backfire with the pernicious force of a teenage eyeroll. Providing statistical facts about scholastic achievement or daring to utter the phrase: “In ten years, you’ll realize how lucky you were to have had these opportunities,” are terrible ways to motivate a teen to do anything. 

Although I’m all for forcing kids to eat healthy food and do their homework, persuasive tactics probably aren’t as effective here. Studies show that “engaging with extracurricular activities for autonomous reasons (such as interest) rather than for controlled reasons (such as feelings of pressure) was shown to relate to positive outcomes …” In other words, it was the students who wanted to be involved in extracurricular activities that received the positive benefits. 

However, some kids need a little push to leave their comfort zone and try something new.

When it comes to encouraging a reluctant kid to show up to a club or practice, friends will likely be more successful at convincing them than parents. Many schools have club fairs during curriculum nights. Consider bringing your kid to the event and let other teens do the recruiting.   

“If you are nervous, just take that leap of faith!” Ezekiel says, thinking about how he would encourage his classmates. “Even if you are nervous, just do it. It unlocks something in your mind when you push through that feeling.” 

Even if your kid hasn’t been an athlete in the past, don’t overlook sports as a future option. There are plenty of non-cut sports in middle and high school, and some schools are desperate to fill teams, due to the rise of private sports teams. Teens who can execute a round-off back handspring or throw a curveball are often busy with competitive cheer or travel baseball, leaving more spots open on the high school teams.

Working through potential barriers 

For some families, a lack of transportation to and from activities prevents them from participating. Many local schools offer an activity bus for this reason, but even then, the hours and route can be inconvenient, adding extra time to a long school day for kids. Familiarizing your child with free public transportation options may help resolve this situation. Alternatively, joining carpools can help. 

Another option is to consider looking for classes within the school day that promote extra-curricular involvement: Band, choir, orchestra, drama, journalism and leadership are all classes that can be taken within your child’s typical school day, but often have a club-feel to them.

If your child isn’t sure what to try, ask teachers or counselors for suggestions. “Staff members are always telling me, ‘Hey, you should join this,’” says JT, a senior who is involved in Japanese Club, Key Club and theater. Teachers often know which advisors might be a good fit for reluctant students. 

If your child has a disability or other special need, bring up including extracurriculars as a goal in an IEP or 504 meeting. Sometimes, prompting from a non-family member can encourage a student.  

Clubs that have a singular focus, such as the Japanese or LGBTQIA+ clubs, are often incredibly welcoming to all students. “Don’t feel like you have to be a specific ethnicity to join a specific club,” Jayla adds. “Just get out there! You can learn a lot from just being out there as yourself.”   

Finally, if your kid hasn’t made it to those club-centric middle or high school years, that means that you have time to model getting involved in clubs and activities. For example, taking your child to activities at the public library or signing them up for rec sports leagues can reduce future anxiety and prepare them to seek out similar activities on their own once they are teenagers. 

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Note from the author: Working on this article motivated me to get more involved in school as well. In the days between writing the first draft and the last draft, I volunteered to become the new Freshman Class Advisor and am excited to take on the role. Go class of 2030!