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Picture it: December 2013. The first ACA open enrollment period just opened (sort of), everyone is still fawning over the royal baby, and my kids are belting out “Let It Go” nonstop while I’m innocently joining in because — why wouldn’t I? — they’ve only been singing it for a month. Then there’s me: mom of two, remote worker before being a remote worker was even a thing. I’m scrolling Facebook during afternoon nap time when this video of a family dancing (and rapping) in their Christmas jammies pops up on my feed. I can’t look away.
Turns out, I wasn’t the only one. Since The Holderness Family released that original viral video Christmas card (they recreated it in 2023 to mark its 10th anniversary), it’s racked up 18 million views on YouTube, turning them into internet superstars and making them a household name for families like mine. Many of us watched them win season 33 of “The Amazing Race,” or have a copy of their bestselling book “ADHD Is Awesome” on our bookshelves (guilty!), or tune into “Laugh Lines,” their popular podcast.
Last fall they released their first children’s picture book, “All You Can Be with ADHD.” Its companion book, “Get it Done & Have Fun: ADHD Hacks for Awesome Kids,” drops at the end of this month (Sept. 29). As The Holderness Family explains, the new book answers the question: “What happens when my incredibly dynamic and energetic ADHD brain collides with incredibly dull chores?” Hint: The answer is “borture” (i.e. the torture of boring tasks), and the book offers some creative solutions to this problem kids can actually use.
To mark the book’s release and the launch of our ParentMap Talks series on Sept. 24, featuring Kim and Penn Holderness, I had the opportunity to sit down with everyone’s favorite internet couple to talk all things ADHD. Here’s what they had to say:
Q: One of your goals has always been to change the conversation around ADHD. How does your new book continue that mission?
A: The conversation around kids with ADHD often centers around “They never turn in their homework. They don’t clean their room. They don’t brush their teeth, and it’s disrespectful!” First off, when our executive function breaks down, we don’t mean it as disrespect. It is literally more difficult for us. However, that’s an explanation, not an excuse. We all need to roll up our sleeves and find ways to do those mundane things. The good news is we can come up with fun, creative solutions that make them less mundane!
Q: After writing “ADHD Is Awesome” for adults with ADHD, what did you have to unlearn, re-learn or just plain learn from scratch in order to write for kids with ADHD?
A: To be honest, we didn’t need to unlearn anything, “ADHD is Awesome” is meant to be something that younger people can understand. But for the kids’ book, I did want to make sure that reading the book and being self-aware enough to identify with it takes a ton of courage. Kids who come to grips with their ADHD are SO VERY BRAVE.
Q: Penn, you were diagnosed with ADHD while you were in college. What’s one thing your parents or teachers said to you as a kid that empowered and helped you when you were struggling? What’s something that was well-meaning but didn’t quite hit right or help?
A: My parents were amazing…. Knowing I was different even before being diagnosed, they were patient with me and all of my careless mistakes. They also helped me regulate when I got overly sensitive and angry (which happened a lot). They calmly asked me to go to my room and “let it all out.”
As far as the wrong interactions, when teachers tell you to “just try harder.” That was always tough to hear.
Q: Kim, you’ve very recently been diagnosed with ADHD after being told it was anxiety for years. What do you want other girls and women who may be in the same boat to know about your delayed diagnosis? How has your diagnosis changed things, if it has?
A: I’m not being hyperbolic when I say that having an ADHD diagnosis has changed my life. Forever, I thought it was my fault that I couldn’t control my “anxiety.” If I could just journal more or meditate, I could calm the constant chaos in my brain. There’s something about knowing it’s not something I can change that has helped me reframe my past and allowed me to make peace with myself.
My advice for girls and women who have questions? Ask to be screened! I think clinicians are so well-intentioned, but ADHD presents so differently in girls and women. It takes a professional to unravel what could be anxiety, OCD, depression or ADHD. There’s a power in knowing. Advocate for yourself and ask the questions.
Q: What advice do you have for someone who isn’t ADHD but loves someone who is — a kid or an adult?
A: First off, thank you. Thank you for loving us. We really are trying the best we can to do our part, and to listen to you, and to thrive in a world that wasn’t exactly made for us. We aren’t broken, but there are some things that will take a little time to figure out, sometimes longer than people our age. Also, most of us feel things very deeply, and that can cause some pretty strong emotions, which we usually regret and feel shame for. Any understanding and support around these things from you will mean so much to us. Again, thank you.
Q: What’s one expectation you’ve had to let go of, either for yourself or for someone you love with ADHD?
A: That I can just move on from the strong, loud emotions that I have. I have to deal with them and sit in the suck.
Q: You’ve campaigned for a rebrand of the term “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” What name would you recommend be used instead and why?
A: I’m not a doctor, so I will go with something silly. I like Fluctuating Attention and Regulatory Behavior (FLARB). First off, FLARB is an awesome name that sounds like it was made up by someone with ADHD. There are mad fluctuations. And regulation is really the biggest aspect of ADHD.
Q: It seems you two are always working on something — whether it’s creating hilariously relatable social media content, recording your popular podcast, writing books, or shining lights on important topics like ADHD, meningitis and perimenopause. What’s next for The Holderness Family?
A: Kim is working on a book on ADHD and how it impacts girls and women. She’s deep into the emerging research right now so it’s her hyperfocus. Stay tuned! We’re both really excited for her book.
We will keep making videos because creating something out of nothing is our very favorite thing.
We may have a touring show in the works! That is in early talks.
