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It started the way most of Ava’s friendships did that year: in a group chat during an online game she played after school. One player was always online when she was and a friendship formed. He was funny and generous with in-game items. Over a few weeks, the conversation moved to a private chat where he told her she seemed mature for her age and asked a lot of questions about her interests, her family and her life. None of it felt dangerous to 13-year-old Ava. It felt like being noticed.
Then he sent her a gift card and asked her to keep their friendship between the two of them, since her parents probably wouldn’t understand.
That request set off alarm bells for Ava. A few weeks earlier, her class had a lesson on internet safety and healthy relationships, and one idea had stuck with her: When someone asks you to keep secrets from the adults who care about you, that’s precisely the moment you should tell one of them.
That night, she showed her mom the messages. Together they blocked and reported the account, and the next morning her mom called the school counselor.
Sarabeth Rees and Tanya Fernandez hear scenarios like Ava’s almost every day in their work with Everstrong, a Seattle-based nonprofit on a mission to equip parents and caregivers with the tools they need to keep their kids safe — online and in the world.
Ava’s story isn’t real — it’s an AI-generated amalgam of the many stories that Rees, the executive director of Everstrong, and Fernandez, the agency’s program director, hear all too often. It isn’t flashy and it certainly wouldn’t make the evening news, but it’s situations like Ava’s — with uneventful endings — that Rees and Fernandez are hoping for. “This is what prevention looks like,” explains Rees, “A young person recognizes the warning signs and goes to a trusted adult who responds in a way that makes them glad they spoke up.”
While many parents know they should be talking to their kids about online safety and exploitation, many don’t know where to start, what to cover and just how deep the conversation should go. Wading into these waters can leave parents feeling uncertain, even uncomfortable. Everstrong’s free Prevention Portal can help families navigate this new terrain. On it, parents and caregivers will find ready-to-use lessons on healthy relationships, digital safety information and manipulation recognition activities so they don’t have to go it alone.
I sat down with Rees and Fernandez to talk about the very real risks kids are facing today — what they look like and why scaring kids doesn’t keep them safe.
Q: You use the words “trafficking” and “exploitation.” Can you clarify what these words mean?
Tanya Fernandez: Great question, because people use them interchangeably. Exploitation is the big umbrella — it’s any time someone takes advantage of a young person’s trust or needs to get something for themselves. Trafficking falls under that umbrella. Here’s the part that surprises most parents: if a minor participates in any kind of sex act in exchange for anything at all — whether that’s money, a place to crash, a new phone or even a meal — that’s considered trafficking under the law, even if there is no violence, pressure or force.
Q: What does the real risk look like today, and why doesn’t scaring parents (or kids) help?
Sarabeth Rees: Many of us grew up with “stranger danger.” But abductions by strangers are actually very rare. Today, it usually starts with someone a kid already knows, or someone they meet online who feels like a friend. It rarely looks dangerous at the beginning. It looks like attention: compliments, then maybe a gift card, then small secrets. “Don’t tell your mom we talked.” It’s usually built on whatever a kid is missing, whether that’s belonging, attention or money. And online, things can move incredibly fast. A kid can go from a friendly DM to being threatened over a photo in a single evening.
So why doesn’t fear help? First, it points at the wrong threat. We’re watching the parking lot while the real risk is the phone in their pocket. Second, scared kids don’t speak up. If a kid thinks telling you means losing their phone, they’ll try to handle it alone — that silence is what someone exploiting them is counting on. Third, scared parents tend to either clamp down or avoid the topic entirely. Neither option keeps the door to further conversation open.
Fernandez: And as a parent, I have enough to be afraid of! Part of me wants to keep my kids in a bubble forever. But a bigger part wants them to explore the world, and fear doesn’t build curiosity or bravery. That’s why our model focuses on building skills rather than raising alarms: empathy, critical thinking and social responsibility. Those skills protect kids no matter how the risks change, whether tomorrow or 10 years from now.
Q: What’s the difference between a conversation that protects a kid and one that teaches them to stop telling you things?
Fernandez: That line can feel thin! Kids are constantly collecting data about us. If they’ve learned we might respond to a mistake with judgment, anger or punishment, they’re less likely to come to us when they end up somewhere they shouldn’t be online, trust the wrong person or have a friend in a dangerous situation. Rules and accountability matter, but the message we want kids to absorb is: If I’m in trouble, telling my mom or dad will never make things worse. That starts with making “thank you for telling me” the first thing out of your mouth, even if you’re panicking inside.
Q: Washington requires students to receive trafficking prevention education before they graduate, but the mandate came with no funding. What does that mean for families, and what should a parent ask their child’s school?
Rees: It’s a great law! But it came with no money, no curriculum and no training. Schools were basically handed a homework assignment without the textbook. So it varies. Some schools are doing a thoughtful job, and some haven’t gotten to it yet because teachers are stretched thin. I’d encourage parents to ask, not in a “gotcha” way, but in a “how can I help?” way: “Has my child gotten this yet, and in what grade? What materials were used? Is there anything for parents so I can keep the conversation going at home?”
If the school is still figuring it out, that’s where we come in. Our Prevention Portal is free, built for grades 7 through 12, and was reviewed by the Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction with strong marks. A teacher could open it tomorrow and be ready to go. A parent forwarding the link might be the nudge a school needs.
Q: What’s one thing a parent can do this week?
Fernandez: Start a conversation with genuine curiosity. Kids know a lot more than we think. As nervous as you might be to bring up dating violence, pornography, online grooming or AI deepfakes, your kid has likely already run into some of it. So ask what they know, what they wish you understood and what they’d need to feel they could come to you if they were in trouble. Then really listen. The first few tries may be met with silence, grunts or “this is so cringe.” It’s a marathon, not a sprint. If you’d like help with these conversations, you’ll find resources at everstrong.org.
Q: What gives you hope?
Rees: The kids! Adults get nervous and awkward around this topic, and young people just … don’t. They ask sharp questions, and they’re relieved someone is finally naming what they’ve already seen online. Second, teachers. Nobody is forcing them to use our materials, and they’re finding us anyway — now in 28 states, mostly by word of mouth. That tells me the need is real.
And third, who is leading this work. On Nov. 9, we’re screening the documentary “The Right Track,” followed by a panel. It’s not people talking about survivors. It’s survivors, the real experts, leading the conversation, alongside Tanya. In fact, our Survivor Council shaped the entire evening. When the people who’ve lived through this are the ones saying, “Here’s how we stop it from happening to the next kid,” that’s not a sad story. That’s a hopeful one. I’d love for parents to come. Bring your questions, and maybe your teenager. It’s a great conversation starter for the drive home.
AI was used to generate Ava’s scenario, and is based on the experiences of Everstrong’s team and the kids and families they work with. The scenario was reviewed by ParentMap’s managing editor and edited for clarity.
