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Perhaps you were just told by a school psychologist or education professional that your child is twice exceptional, or 2E. At first glance, you probably agree that your child is exceptional, but twice exceptional can oftentimes come with its own set of challenges. In particular, twice exceptional kids oftentimes feel things more intensely than their non-2E peers. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, however, it can be difficult to cope without the proper education and tools.
I spoke with therapists and a neurodivergent-affirming speech language pathologist about what it means if your child is twice exceptional, why these children tend to have heightened emotions and how you can navigate this and help them regulate their feelings in a more healthy and productive way.
What does it mean if a child is 2E?
It’s possible you’ve heard the term “gifted child.” Twice exceptional is a bit different, although there are some overlaps.
“Twice exceptional is a term used to describe children that possess both a giftedness or high ability in one particular intellectual, creative, musical or academic area, and also a disability or neurodevelopmental difference that affects some aspect of their functioning,” says Michelle Harris, LCSW, social worker and founder of Parenting Pathfinders. “For example, a child might be both intellectually gifted and have ADHD; may possess exceptionally strong verbal skills or musical abilities and be autistic; have advanced mathematical skills or be highly creative and have a learning disability that impacts their writing skills.”
According to Ryann Sutera, a neurodiversity-affirming speech-language pathologist, many twice-exceptional children experience difficulties with social communication and executive functioning such as organization, planning, attention and emotional regulation. For the sake of this article, we’re going to focus on the emotional regulation aspect.
It’s important to note that not every child is the same, and this applies to twice-exceptional children too. “As with all children, there exists enormous diversity amongst children in this population, but what often gets noticed by parents and educators is asynchrony in different areas of their development, often marked by an exceptionally high ability in one area coupled with significant difficulty in another,” says Harris.
Why do 2E children have such intense emotions?
First, it’s important to note that not all twice-exceptional children have intense emotions and big feelings. “Much of the research has found mixed results, and therefore it’s important to avoid drawing any universal conclusions about the emotional capabilities or expression of this population of children,” says Harris. “As with any child, there are multiple factors that can interact to lead to an intense expression of emotions. For example, it is not uncommon for a twice-exceptional child to have high expectations of themself in their area of strength, and when the reality of their abilities does not align with these expectations, frustration and emotional dysregulation can result.”
Alena Gerst, LCSW and founder of Inside Psychotherapy, explains that emotional regulation in 2E children is often disproportionate to a stimulus. “This means you can expect most 2E children to be extra sensitive to stimuli like sounds, lights, temperature and tastes, as well as emotional sensitivities to someone’s tone, fear of judgement and very tender feelings,” she explains. “Most 2E children tend to have extremely sensitive nervous systems, which can result in a ‘threat response’ to something that is not actually threatening. If they perceive a demand on them that they didn’t ask for, even if it’s ostensibly something ‘fun,’ they can have a big reaction that confuses parents, teachers and peers who aren’t familiar with 2E.”
For example, a sloppy word on a handwritten assignment might send a 2E child into a negative spiral with a reaction that seems disproportionate for the situation at hand. The child might cry and get angry whereas a neurotypical child might just erase it and start over with very little issue — this goes back to the nervous system sensitivity mentioned above.
How do these feelings usually manifest?
As with all children, intense emotional reactions, especially those from 2E children, can present in a variety of ways. “In addition to expressions such as crying, physical outbursts and yelling, children may shut down, disengage, argue, have difficulty transitioning, complain of physical ailments, engage in negative self-talk, procrastinate or exhibit behavioral challenges as a way of expressing their intense emotions,” says Harris.
It’s worth noting that the intense feelings are not just negative. Twice-exceptional children often feel intense positive emotions and feelings as well.
Aside from having what appears to be “oversized” reactions to seemingly minor inconveniences, 2E children also tend to experience these feelings for longer than their neurotypical peers.
How does being 2E impact their emotional regulation?
For some context, research has indicated that intensity, sensitivity and overexcitability are primary characteristics of gifted individuals including 2E children. This can impact how they are able to regulate their emotions whether that’s happy, sad, angry or anywhere in between.
More specifically, overexcitability or “higher than average responsiveness to stimuli” comes from Dabrowski’s theory of positive disintegration.
In terms of emotional overexcitability, 2E children may experience heightened and intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, and strong affective expression all of which can impact how they express themselves and regulate their own emotions.
According to Gerst, oftentimes 2E kids are just as perplexed by their reactions as parents. “They don’t understand why they have such big feelings and unique needs when their peers and siblings don’t,” she says. “With that in mind, they tend to be most regulated when they have independence and more control over their plans.”
How can parents help 2E kids regulate their emotions?
If you’re looking for ways to support emotional regulation in your 2E child, these are the steps the professionals I consulted suggested. While it’s always recommended to consult with your child’s care team for more personalized advice, here are some tips to help get you started.
Regulate yourself first
It’s easy as a parent to become overwhelmed when your child has strong emotions, especially if they appear to be “outsized” to you. That said, how you proceed in responding to your child can make a big difference in how they feel and react.
“Try to take a few deep breaths, lower your voice, relax your body, show your self compassion and remind yourself that your child is having a hard time, they aren’t giving you a hard time,” says Harris.
Give them space
If your child is feeling highly emotional and dysregulated, Gerst suggests backing off and giving them space. “You may feel the (normal!) parental urge to ask them questions and try to get to the bottom of what they need,” she explains. “However, in reality, each question will feel like a pile of more demands. You can let them know you’re there, sit near them if that’s helpful, and you can review what happened when it is not as raw.”
Validate their feelings
Everyone appreciates having their feelings validated when they are experiencing them so intensely. “Validate your child’s feelings without giving permission for harmful behavior,” says Harris. “All feelings are welcomed, not all behaviors are.”
Here’s an example of what you could say if your child is feeling left out, whether they didn’t get invited to a classmate’s birthday party or a play date:
“I can see that you’re really sad. It hurts when you feel left out, especially when you really wanted to be there. You don’t have to stop feeling sad right away — I’m here with you.”
Try using declarative language
Gerst recommends looking into declarative language, a way of communicating with 2E and other neurodivergent children that is collaborative and nonthreatening. It’s the difference between directing, “Please go clean your room,” and declaring, “I noticed your room is getting messy.” It’s making an observation about something that needs attention rather than commanding kids to attend to it. This type of language doesn’t pose direct commands and can make conversations seem less of a hassle during a period of heightened emotions for twice-exceptional children.
Try offering visual input
When your child is really overwhelmed and emotional, they are not in a position to effectively communicate what is going on. Suterra recommends providing as much visual support as you can until they’ve calmed down a bit.
“This can look like modeling deep breaths, smelling a candle or essential oil, using deep pressure items or massage, listening to calming or preferred music or videos and physically changing what the individual is looking at in the moment,” she explains. “Continue this practice for at least 10 minutes and then prompt the person to answer a neutral, logical question to see if they are demonstrating cognitive reasoning, indicating they are regulated enough to think logically.”
This is better suited to older kids who have the capacity to reason a bit more soundly and communicate more effectively.
When to get help for your 2E child
If your child’s behavioral or emotional challenges are persistent, severe, unsafe or are negatively impacting their daily functioning, Harris says it is appropriate to seek treatment from their school and a licensed mental health professional who specializes in giftedness and neurodivergence.
It’s worth noting that getting help earlier can allow your child to better learn the strategies and coping tools that can help them manage their emotions as they get older, making life easier in the long run.
Frequently asked questions
How does twice exceptionality (2E) differ from being solely gifted?
While giftedness refers strictly to high ability in an intellectual, creative or academic area, twice exceptionality (2E) combines high ability in one domain with a co-occurring disability or neurodevelopmental difference — such as ADHD, autism or a learning disability — that affects daily functioning.
What is “asynchronous development” in 2E children?
Asynchronous development refers to uneven growth across different developmental domains. In 2E children, this manifests as exceptionally high capabilities in one area paired with significant difficulties in others, such as executive functioning, social communication or emotional regulation.
Why might a 2E child react with panic or anger to a minor task?
Many 2E children have highly sensitive nervous systems that process unexpected demands or sensory inputs as physical threats. This can trigger an immediate “threat response,” causing intense meltdowns or negative self-talk over seemingly minor inconveniences.
Do twice exceptional children experience intense positive emotions as well?
Yes. Emotional intensity and overexcitability apply across the full emotional spectrum. 2E kids frequently experience deep joy, passion, and enthusiasm alongside big feelings like sadness or frustration.
How can parents help a twice exceptional child regulate during an emotional meltdown?
Parents can support regulation by following five core strategies: self-regulating first, giving the child space, validating emotions while maintaining behavioral boundaries, using declarative language, and offering visual or sensory tools for at least 10 minutes before expecting logical reasoning.
How can parents tell when a dysregulated 2E child is ready to process a meltdown logically?
After providing at least 10 minutes of space or sensory support, parents can test regulation by asking a neutral, logical question. If the child answers using cognitive reasoning, it indicates their nervous system is sufficiently regulated to discuss the event.
Editor’s note: AI was used to generate the Frequently Asked Questions portion of this article. It was reviewed by ParentMap’s editorial team for accuracy and edited for clarity.
