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I Just Came for the Ladies and the Drinks

Published on: December 30, 2013

Duets (Barbra Streisand album) Photo credit: Wikipedia
Duets (Barbra Streisand album) Photo credit: Wikipedia

In another seemingly endless car ride from the house to the pool, one of the boys begins to tell me about this “kid” he knows.

“He has three tarantulas and four snakes.”

“Oh, and he’s allowed to blow up whatever he wants, whenever he wants. His dad lets him.”

“He has his own room, it’s huge. There’s a huge TV and two computers inside.”

“Really,” I say. This “kid,” I wanted to tell  him, probably has a solitary hamster, has to be in bed at 7:30 and most likely shares a room with three sisters, all of whom have severe Hello Kitty fetishes.

This kid, I wanted to tell him, is probably like the friend who tells you about all the sex she and her husband have, but who secretly sleeps downstairs on a sofa, spooning a gallon of ice cream.

The same friend who insists on regaling you with sordid details of weekends away when instead, she most likely found her husband wearing her underwear.

But I say none of this.

I am about to say something, probably something very wise, when Bennett reaches over and changes the radio station.

“This is it!” they both scream! “This is the song we want!”

I don’t know what the song was called, or who sang it. All I heard were lyrics that sounded something like: I just came for the ladies and the drinks.

How the hell did these kids hear this song, and what on earth do they know about ladies or drinks? And who told them they were allowed to turn off NPR 40 days before the election?

It’s becoming apparent to me that my influence here is waning, and that while today I am competing with other “kids,” I may soon be competing with ladies and drinks. Perhaps I ought to relax and let it all happen, but I won’t. I turn NPR back on, crank it up and tell them that it’s either this or 30 minutes of Streisand, complete with my own running commentary.

Clearly, I am not going down without a fight.

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lea_geller1About Lea Geller

I’m a part-time lawyer, full time mother of five (ages 9 and down)… Currently in sunny Seattle. People ask how I manage it all, and I like to say that I do lots of things, but none of them very well. That’s my secret…. In a house of seven strong, distinct personalities, I always seem to have a story to tell. I suppose I got tired of people telling me, ‘You have to write this down!” So, I finally did, and blogging about our large mishaps, small triumphs, and other adventures, has helped hold my sanity together, albeit loosely.

Check out the rest of Lea's family's adventures on her blog, This Is the Corner We Pee In.

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