We moms think we have it tough. I know I do my share of grumbling about the car-pool-homework-ballet-class-there's-nothing-for-dinner daily scramble. But a fellow parent-in-the-trenches, one of best Superdads I know (no, not my husband, who is also a rockin' dad), recently posted this hilarious, crazier-than-fiction update about what might be the worst and yet funniest dad day ever. Names and identifying details have been left out to protect the innocent; otherwise this is an actual true day of an actual dad.
5:45 a.m.: Wake up.
6 a.m.: Realize cat never came in last night.
6:15 a.m.: Find cat in neighbor's tree, 30 feet up.
6:30 a.m.: Return to coffee, Google 'cat rescue Seattle.'
6:35 a.m.: Order taxi for wife to get to work and kids to school because you lost keys to car rental parked out front.
6:45 a.m.: Leave for work assignment in Tacoma, pray I-5 isn't shut down like yesterday. Did I tell you about yesterday?
7 a.m.: Get cat-rescue squad arranged and rental car towed away. $300 bye-bye! All by Bluetooth headset chatting with Siri on thankfully functioning I-5.
8 a.m.: Arrive at work assignment. Work non-stop until 3:30 p.m. while simultaneously texting cat-rescue dude and neighbors helping out.
10 a.m.: Answer call from alarm service. Alarm is going off. Want to call the police? Nah, let 'em steal house.
10:15 a.m.: Text neighbor, make sure house isn't in fact being stolen.
1 p.m.: Cat is home, car is towed. $300 well spent; would have been willing to go to $1000.
4 p.m.: Fight traffic Tacoma to Seattle.
4:45 p.m.: Get home, grab bite, get kid #1's Kumon, make sure we got correct cat from tree.
5 p.m.: Pick up kid #1 at after school, drop off for Kumon.
5:15 p.m.: Get kid #2 at preschool. Drive back to Kumon as kid #2 screams the whole way because she dropped 'a feather.'
5:45 p.m.: Get home. Open wine. Daddy time, Mom will be home any second and I can go hide.
5:46 p.m.: Text from Mom. Running late, home by 7:20 p.m.
5:47 p.m.: Pour second glass of wine.
5:48 p.m.: Make dinner. Empty dishwasher. Get homework ready.
5:49 p.m.: "Daddy can we watch TV?" .... "You can set yourselves on fire if you do it quietly with out fighting."
5:50 p.m.: "Snack daddy!"
5:51 p.m.: Fight over goldfish and melon.
6:15 p.m.: Dinner … with another glass of wine.
6:45 p.m.: Take kid #2 for bath or as I call it, 'battleships with more screaming.'
6:55 p.m.: Help!
7:10 p.m.: Wife is home. Smiles and giggles when she sees me in my state. Goes upstairs to take care of kids. All is good.
OK parents, I want to hear: What was your worst parent day ever?
In between school drop-offs and coffee binges, Natalie Singer-Velush is ParentMap’s Web Editor. In her former life she wrote for newspapers and once pumped milk in the bathroom of the King County Superior Courthouse while covering a murder trial. Natalie lives in Seattle with her husband and their two school-aged daughters. On one of her worst parenting days ever, her kid projectile-pooped on the dog.
