Preparing Kids to Launch, Starting With the Seattle Bus

The Lighthouse, Moffett Burgess, Queen Anne mom to a 16- and 21-year-old

Moffett Burgess practices dentistry at Seattle’s Downtown Public Health Center Dental Clinic, where she provides care for unhoused teens and adults.

Burgess sees herself as a “Lighthouse Parent,” aiming to offer guidance, safety and the stability of unconditional love, while her kids navigate the waves that life inevitably brings.

Perks of lighthouse parenting for a single mom

Burgess says both of her kids learned to navigate Seattle on the city bus on their own as young children. This independence was essential, as Burgess worked full-time while raising the two solo. “Knowing how to ride the bus allowed them the freedom to make plans after school, meet up with friends and plan their weekends even if I wasn’t available to drive them,” she says.

Nevertheless, those first few rides were tough for Burgess, even if her kids were excited by the trust and long leash. “It was nerve wracking at first and involved some risks,” she admits. “However, seeing the mix of people who rode the bus was a way of exposing them to a slice of real life. It helped them to see beyond the bubble of Queen Anne, where they have lived their whole lives.”

A fearless launch to college

This parenting approach is already paying off. Burgess says that when it was time for her daughter to choose a college, she had the independence and confidence to say yes to a university in the UK.

Although she knew her newly-launched 18-year-old would face challenges related to living overseas on her own for the first time, she also knew her daughter was capable of navigating those challenges just as she had been independently navigating her home city for so long. Burgess’s daughter will be graduating this year, earning a Bachelor of Science degree in experimental psychology.

Unconditional love wins over mom doubts

Still, as with all parents, doubt creeps in sometimes. Burgess says she wonders what additional benefits could have resulted from being more hands-on around structuring homework as her son entered high school. “I did the basics of asking every day about school and homework,” she says, “but I wish I would have put in the effort and discipline to set a regular routine of setting aside time where he is expected to do school work without distractions.”

Burgess’s son is an Advance Placement student now at the end of his sophomore year. She says he’s been having challenges getting started on long term assignments prior to the night before the due date. “My intention to support his independence is colliding with my expectation that he have a strong academic focus,” Burgess says, a bit exasperated, “resulting in significant frustration for us both.”

Ultimately though, Burgess says that both of her kids know that she loves them unconditionally and that she has deep faith in their ability to handle the hard things that life inevitably serves up.

Meet more Puget Sound families: 

• The Attached Authoritarian: Shukri Olow, Kent mom of two
• The Pressured Daughter-Turned-Gentle Parent: Suzie Driscoll, Shoreline mom of one
• The High Tech Dad: Andrew Wilcox, Phinney Ridge dad of two
• The Influencer Mom: Tash Haynes, Tacoma mom of three
• The Unified Team Parent: Pamela Savagaonkar, North Bend mom of four
• The Democratic Authoritarian: Reanne Gamet, South Seattle mom of three