How Becoming a Mom Quietly Rewrites Your Financial Future

After becoming a mother, many women make a quiet shift. They stop buying things for themselves. They pause retirement contributions. They absorb the everyday costs of raising kids without tracking them closely; school supplies here, clothes there, another activity fee added to the credit card. None of it feels dramatic in the moment. It just feels like being a good mom.

Over time those choices can fundamentally reshape a woman’s financial future.

Raising a child has always been expensive, but today’s rising costs of child care, health care, housing and education have intensified the pressure on mothers to prioritize their children’s needs above everything else, including their own financial security. That pressure doesn’t just affect household budgets, it changes how women think about money, spending and sacrifice in lasting ways.

A qualitative study by Oriane Couchoux, Ph.D., CPA, an assistant professor at Carleton University’s Sprott School of Business, examined how motherhood reshapes women’s everyday financial thinking and behavior. Instead of focusing solely on income or wages, the research looked at how cultural expectations of “good motherhood” influence what women buy and what they give up.

Today’s rising costs of child care, health care, housing and education have intensified the pressure on mothers to prioritize their children’s needs above everything else, including their own financial security.

What Couchoux found echoes what many mothers experience firsthand: Becoming a mom doesn’t just change your expenses. It changes your relationship with money.

The hidden cost of ‘good motherhood’

Based on in-depth interviews with mothers, Couchoux found that cultural expectations of “good motherhood” strongly shape women’s relationship with money. “Many women believe that being a good mother requires financial sacrifice, consistently putting their children first, and dedicating resources to them,” says Couchoux, even when it comes at a personal cost.

“For example, some mothers carefully save for their children’s future education while reducing or stopping contributions to their own retirement,” Couchoux says.

Those decisions often feel responsible, even virtuous. But over time, they can leave mothers financially vulnerable, particularly later in life.

For many women, the tradeoff becomes normalized. Being a “good mom” is equated with putting children first in nearly every domain, including emotional, physical and financial, while their own needs recede into the background.

Larisa Courtien, a marketer, creator and mother of two children ages 4 and 8, says her spending habits changed dramatically after becoming a parent.

“Before kids, I spent more on home goods, nice food and Michelin-rated restaurants, high-end planners and even pens,” she says. “Now I spend a lot less on experiences for myself and a lot more on experiences for the family. My kids are usually better dressed than me, and we definitely don’t eat out as much.”

That shift doesn’t feel like deprivation, Courtien adds. It just feels normal.

Not every mother experiences the change the same way. Some make intentional efforts to maintain balance.

“Prior to motherhood I purchased more for myself — clothing, meals out, vacations,” says Lauren Anderson, shopping editor at Us Weekly and entertainment writer at Parade. “Now whenever I make a purchase it’s usually for or including my kid, but I definitely don’t deprive myself of things either.”

Though different, Anderson’s and Courtien’s stories share a common thread: Motherhood reframed their spending decisions in ways that often make their own needs feel optional.

The motherhood penalty

Financial shifts don’t stop at household spending. For many women, motherhood also affects career trajectories and long-term earning power.

Research on the “motherhood penalty” consistently shows that mothers are perceived in the workplace as less committed and less competent than their childless peers. As a result, they are less likely to be hired or promoted and are more likely to earn lower wages, even when performance is comparable.

Motherhood reframed their spending decisions in ways that often make their own needs feel optional.

Many mothers also reduce their hours or move from full-time to part-time work to accommodate caregiving responsibilities, a decision that can feel necessary in the short term but carries long-term financial consequences.

“Career interruptions and slower progression, combined with ongoing caregiving responsibilities, create long-term financial consequences, including lower savings and reduced retirement income,” Couchoux says.

According to research from Capital Human, even 10 years after the birth of their first child, mothers’ earnings are still about 34 percent lower than they would have been had they not had children.

That gap compounds over time, affecting everything from Social Security benefits to retirement readiness, and disproportionately impacts women who already face systemic pay inequities.

Who manages the money

Couchoux’s research also found that many mothers take on the role of financial manager within their households. Being the primary caregiver often means handling routine purchases, budgeting for children’s needs and managing day-to-day financial logistics.

But financial management doesn’t always translate into financial power.

“Being the main caregiver often means that mothers are more likely to handle these routine purchases and to absorb these costs quietly without necessarily tracking or sharing them with their co-parent,” Couchoux explains.

For some families, finances are a shared responsibility. Kate, a mother of a 3-year-old son in Indianapolis, says she and her husband approach money as a team.

“We just shift our money and budget to prioritize our son,” she says.

In other households, the division looks different. Courtien says her husband manages the family’s finances, even though she works full time and contributes meaningfully to the household income. “I don’t have the mental load of our finances,” she says. “I have the mental load of plenty of other things.”

The arrangements vary, but the underlying reality is consistent: Mothers often carry both the financial and cognitive weight of making family life work, whether or not they control the spreadsheet.

Why it matters

For many women, the financial shifts that come with motherhood don’t feel like financial decisions at all. They feel like love and responsibility; doing the right thing.

But over time, those quiet, reasonable choices can add up to real risk, especially when women deprioritize their own financial futures in ways that are difficult to undo.

Over time, those quiet, reasonable choices can add up to real risk.

Understanding how motherhood reshapes women’s relationship with money isn’t about blame or guilt. It’s about visibility. Naming these patterns makes it possible for mothers and their partners to make choices that support children without undermining women’s long-term security.