Spring Clean Your Family’s Routines

When I was teaching, we called students’ sluggish motivation that starts in February and runs through April the “spring slump.” As a parent, I find it’s not much different: my partner and I drag our five kids through these dim and dark winter months when everyone is sick of homework, slacking on their chores and generally feeling apathetic toward our family routines.

The beautiful thing about parenting is that each season brings a new moment to pause, determine what’s working and what isn’t — which kid needs to be dug out of their laundry hole, who hasn’t been brushing their teeth nearly enough and who needs a homework reset in the worst way. While we all aspire to be perfect parents, early spring can be the moment we reassess what’s slipping through the cracks in the hustle of everyday family life.

To help get tips on a family reboot, I talked to Julietta Skoog, parent coach, founder of Sproutable and mom of three kids ages 8 to 16. She suggests thinking of a reboot like an Etch-a-Sketch: “So just … shake it up. It’s just a chance to really shake up the routine.”

She reminds parents nothing in child development is meant to last, from your well-intentioned chore chart to your kid’s Minecraft obsession. So don’t feel bad if your family’s systems need a reset.

Reset your own parenting standards

As a mom of five, I often joke the only parenting standard I have is to lower my standards then lower them again. But Skoog suggests this is a time when you can do some introspection to evaluate how parenting is really going for you, as you head into the first weeks of spring. “It’s been harder for them to get the fresh air, get the sunlight that actually helps the rhythm of sleep and wake up. So it’s requiring us as grown-ups to actually have some more follow-through and firmness,” she says, clarifying that firmness means confidence, not meanness, and “sturdy follow-through and boundaries.”

Start with your morning routine

Nothing sets the tone for the day like a hectic morning — and we’ve all had them. But Skoog says it’s also the best place to start when it comes to rebooting your family dynamics and setting yourself up for success. She challenges parents to evaluate what their current routines look like, reflect on how everyone is feeling and then decide what you want to feel.

“Start at the beginning,” she says. “Do we want to walk to school? Do we want to drive? Then list out what all the things that we need to do are.” She aims for around five to seven steps to take, whether it’s clearing off the counter or finding their socks, to put in a set agreement about what will happen. She adds kids really love routines that give a clear “what’s next.”

And that collaboration is what can truly reset the way everyone starts the day.

“For school aged kids, this concept of a rhythm is really stabilizing and grounding for them,” she says. Remember to keep it simple. Skoog says that parents can get caught up in making something visually appealing before it can be utilized. “It can be as simple as writing it out. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it out for my kiddos. They love when you can take pictures of them doing it or use really simple icons, but the visual part is huge.”

With clear parameters in mind, Skoog says parents are also set up for success and feeling less like they’re nagging all the time. “We are the model. If we’re helping, especially a tricky kid who struggles with some rigidity or difficulty with transitions or temperament, we still get to show up in a way that models that pathway forward.”

And while previous mornings might not have been the best foot forward in collaboration (don’t even get me started on the always-missing winter mitten!) reflecting can provide an opportunity to openly share with your kids that it’s not how you want the days ahead to look. Skoog recommends taking the time to connect first with your kids and “really take ownership [and say] ‘The fall was rough. I was probably nagging and yelling a lot, and the mornings didn’t feel so great for either of us,’; then there’s some hope.”

Simple steps to reset your family’s morning routine:

• Set a meeting to talk about what’s working or not in the mornings
• Make decisions together such as driving versus walking to school
• Create an agreement to show the steps everyone will take each morning (poster board works great, consider using photos of the steps for little kids)
• Cut the nagging and let kids use the new plan on their own

Reestablish your nighttime routine

While the morning might have a tendency to set the tone for the day, every tired parent knows that the night before — and the sleep that may or may not have come with it — can make you question the morning. So Skoog says it’s important to include nightly routines as part of your spring reboot as well.

“One thing I recommend is really thinking about the environment at bedtime [to] minimize transitions,” she says. “If you’re already in the bathroom doing the bath, get the toothbrush in there, bring the jammies inside and minimize the tos-and-froms.”

I can personally attest to feeling like brushing teeth in the bath was the most mind-blowing parenting hack I’ve heard in a while. It works, and the kids think it’s hilarious.

Take the time to connect with your kids. While Skoog says parents can fear snuggles that last all night long, it’s okay to build them into the nighttime routine, especially when reading. “I’ve noticed that kids just need physical time, they need the snuggle time, they need the cuddle time.”

Steps to reset your family’s bedtime routine:

• Combine tasks by thinking through better placement (e.g. put the toothbrush near the bathtub and the pajamas in a bathroom drawer)
• Disconnect from screens earlier and replace them with a quiet-time activity such as a puzzle or book
• Build cuddle time into your routine so it doesn’t get rushed
• Rearrange activities to a different part of the evening to prevent late-night power struggles (e.g. moving homework to before dinner)
• Reassess the sleep environment: add a sound machine, reduce lights, ask kids if their beds are comfortable, etc.

Make screen time predictable

Parents often find themselves trying to juggle screen time. With my kids, I’m often convinced I’ve ruined them for life whenever I give them just one more episode, but Skoog says building screen time into the family routine can provide healthy boundaries for everyone.

“I actually love screens,” she says. “I love good shows. I think it just has to be in a predictable time, and not contingent on ‘I’m tired,’ or ‘You’ve been good,’ or anything like that. With littles at home, if screens are a part of your life, have them as a part of the afternoon, for example when they wake up from their nap. For school age kids, just keep it for the weekends, or have it be part of their after-school routine, once they finish with their homework.”

Finding what that time looks like for your family is another great opportunity for collaboration. Skoog says sometimes what parents see as “together time” in front of a screen is actually not what the kids want or need, and a card game or story could be preferred.

Skoog asks parents to “peer under the hood” and decide if screens are getting in the way of deeper connection time. “If this is your time with them, and you haven’t seen them all day, and then you’re also having the screen time, what does that mean? Is this what you want?” If not, a screen reboot is in order.

In our reboot, we are strategically using screen time to help with tough parts, such as during a sibling’s long sporting event, or while we are making a dinner that isn’t simply warming leftovers.

Steps to reset your family’s screen time routine:

• Decide if screens are a problem in your house by asking if they interfere with connection
• Determine key times where screens could be really helpful, rather than a headache
• Make screen time a group activity, such as a movie with popcorn night together, rather than a way to be disconnected on various individual screens
• Clearly define when screen time will be, involving the kids on what works best for them, whether it’s specific days or screen time limits

Reclaim homework time

Homework can be a battle, and as expectations ramp up at school to prepare kids for the next grade, it can become a lot.

“The number one thing to decide as a family is: What is homework? Trusting your own instinct [because] you are the expert on your child, and you know if it’s worth it to argue for two hours just to get one little 10-minute piece of math done. So ask yourself what is homework? What are we agreeing to? Is it one page? Is it 10 minutes?”

I remember it feeling like a total epiphany to realize that just because a school assigns a first grader homework doesn’t mean they have to do it every single night. After all, it’s suggested.

Whatever you decide, Skoog recommends getting clear on expectations and involving the kids.

“Have a clear routine. We took all the things to do after school, and put them on little cards. [My daughter] wanted to just be the boss of her own time, so we put them on little cards, because then she could decide what she was going to do. So then she picks one, and she pushes through that one, and then she puts it in a bowl when she’s done,” she says. It doesn’t have to be fancy or Instagram-worthy to be effective. Simple to-dos in a small bowl suffices.

Steps to reset the kids’ homework routine:

• Clarify with the teacher, school, student and the adults in your house: What role will homework have? What level of importance should it carry? How much time will we spend on it?
• Determine when homework will happen and incorporate it into the evening routine to prevent power struggles
• Involve the teacher if your child is struggling with homework

No matter what routines your family needs to reboot, get specific on what you’re struggling with and start there. Within a few weeks, everyone might feel like a reset and fresh start was just the boost they needed to make it through the end of the school year.