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Seattle-Area Parents Find Community in a Virtual World

Local parents are on a quest to find meaningful relationships and support in the digital age

Author Kari Hanson
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Published on: January 28, 2025

mom holding a baby waving to a computer call finding community online
Photo:
iStock

Parenting is a wild journey. From the initial fear of realizing you’re in charge of a brand-new human life to trying to figure out why your teenager does anything, it can feel overwhelming. That’s why connecting with other parents is vital. While it’s incredibly helpful to talk with other parents in the trenches, locating that community isn’t always easy.

For parents who work outside the home, finding time to expand one’s social circle in the midst of parenting and work feels next to impossible. Many stay-at-home parents feel isolated and cut off from the world. Families that don’t fit into society’s narrow, traditional definition of “family” can struggle to find connections and communities where they feel safe and accepted.

So it’s no surprise that many parents turn to apps and the internet in search of that sense of community we all crave. Whether it’s old connections that are rekindled or a brand-new community of like-minded folks, many parents are finding what social media promised to deliver: community.

ParentMap’s family fun editor, Meredith Charaba, unexpectedly discovered community on Instagram when she connected with an old high school friend while in the process of starting her family. Charaba says her friend “got pregnant a year before I did, so she was a year ahead of me in all the pregnancy, newborn, infant and toddler stages. I got to tap into her experiences when I went through them a year later. Now she has a 4-year-old, and we continue to share updates, interests and activities. We talk daily!”

Executive Director Christine Tang and Program Director Jesse Guecha of Families of Color Seattle (FOCS) know that social media and apps are modern ways of socializing for many of the families involved in their organization’s programs. “While they don’t replace in-person interactions, they offer instant connectivity and allow you to socialize with many groups simultaneously. For younger parents who grew up with social media, it is often the primary way of finding and engaging with community, whether online or by searching for local groups,” Tang says.

Seattle mom Jennifer Wong also sees the value of online connection for parents; she is the founder and CEO of the recently launched app Visible, the first networking platform designed exclusively for parents. “Social media and apps offer flexibility and accessibility, allowing parents to connect on their own time, whether they’re searching for advice, building relationships or just seeking reassurance from others in similar situations,” says Wong. “These platforms also provide a broader reach, enabling parents to connect with others beyond their immediate circles.”

Shared experience without geographic limitations

Many parents turn to the internet to find others who understand their specific parenting experience or family composition, and those folks don’t always live close by. When Charaba posted on Instagram about the birth of her daughter, a college friend who had had a baby at about the same time shared that their baby was also born a few weeks early. “We chatted throughout the different infant milestones, and we continue to follow each other and check in,” Charaba says.

Tang and Guecha have found that for some of the BIPOC families that attend FOCS groups and workshops, online options may be the only realistic way to connect. “For example,” says Tang, “for a single parent with neurodivergent children and no vehicle, having a hybrid group to attend that is mostly virtual in the evenings, with a couple of in-person sessions, makes connecting much more accessible than a fully in-person group.”

Wong believes that “virtual tools also bridge geographic gaps, making it possible for parents to engage with others who have unique expertise or perspectives.”

Allanah Raas-Bergquist is the operations manager for PEPS and a facilitator for its peer-support meeting for parents and caregivers who identify as LGBTQIA+. These groups run for 12 weeks and are open to families that are parenting children ages newborn–12 months and live within PEPS’ service region. Raas-Bergquist says meeting online is necessary since the LGBTQIA+ group attendees are “families from Everett to Tacoma, and so the in-person meetup is a challenge, because where are you going to meet in order to facilitate the best connection and the easiest accessibility?”

Safety and respect

Online and virtual meetings can provide a level of safety and security that is important for many marginalized families. Raas-Bergquist says that when it comes to queer families looking for connection, “they’re looking for it in spaces that already have a shield of safety, where they know that the people they’re going to connect with are members of their community and also parents. The challenge is that there aren’t a lot of those spaces that remain safe and also provide connectivity.”

The value of finding community and support online is something Raas-Bergquist can personally relate to. “When I was a teenager and going through my understanding of my own gender identity, I had programs like AOL Messenger, and I was in groups and found people who were like-minded. You have to curate it so much in order to find it, and that’s part of what PEPS hopes to do with [LGBTQIA+ peer-support groups] is create curated spaces.”

Tang has also found that “many parents connecting online [with FOCS] are from marginalized BIPOC families who face challenges attending in-person events.”

Ongoing support and connection

While many in-person groups meet for a specific number of weeks or months, online connections can last for years and continue to offer parents support as their children grow and change. Wong notes, “Parents of teens and older children are using these platforms for connection, advice and support, proving that this need spans childhood development.”

After a family has participated in a PEPS LGBTQIA+ group led by Raas-Bergquist, she keeps the connection and conversations going by inviting them to join a private, secure Discord server she created.

“I think that there’s a big fear — and I’ve experienced this — when you enter a space that’s meant for queer people, and non-queer people somehow have access to it; that there is going to be some attempt to disrupt the conversation that’s going on,” Raas-Bergquist says. “So this Discord server is really, entirely safe. I can validate every single participant in it because I have met them in person because I have led a group that they were in.”

Currently more than 25 families participate through the Discord server, and Raas-Bergquist hopes to see that number grow. “It’s creating the tool for connection, not just creating the connection. You kinda have to do both,” she says.

FOCS offers opportunities for ongoing connections as well. Tang says, “[A] Google group has existed for several years — everyone who was in a parent group or participated in a program is invited to join. This creates a close-knit, highly responsive network of families. After groups end, many participants will decide to make their own WhatsApp or Signal group to keep in touch.”

Nothing is perfect

Connecting online is, of course, not without challenges. Raas-Bergquist thinks the biggest challenge to online parenting groups is “related to why we are offering these in the first place: People are working from home. They are on their computer in Zoom meetings all day. They get off work and then all of a sudden they’re asked to attend a Zoom parenting group.”

Tang says that at FOCS, “Our approach includes in-person, hybrid, and virtual as a last resort. Our programming is based on the needs of families and feedback we get from our community. While virtual groups are convenient, in-person connections are still essential. We have heard from our parents that groups provide them with a sense of support, belonging and community. Virtual connection is better than no connection at all. Our model has now shifted mainly to in-person, based on parent needs for affinity groups, but virtual options remain for those who can’t attend in person.”

Wong has experienced another challenge while developing Visible: gaining users’ trust. She says, “Parents often question the reliability or credibility of the advice they receive online, especially when they don’t know the background or parenting values of the person offering it.” She says that the app’s parent profiles aim to increase that trust and allow users to feel comfortable connecting with each other.

Parenting is hard; connections and community are key. Online opportunities for connection can help provide that community in a way that feels safe and accessible, and allow parents to meet and connect with people they might never have met otherwise. Raas-Bergquist sums it up beautifully:

“I hope [LGBTQAI+ support groups] give parents a place to share and celebrate their victories, mourn their losses, grieve together and lift each other up.”

More resources for Seattle-area parents:

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