Simple Goal-Setting Strategies to Help Tweens and Teens Achieve

Editor’s note: This article was sponsored by Seattle Children’s Hospital.

Demands are high for today’s teenagers with many balancing academic pressures with extracurriculars, social lives and family time. Managing all of the tasks and commitments can feel overwhelming and motivation may be hard to muster.

That’s why it’s so important to teach teenagers how to set — and fulfill — manageable goals. 

Parents and caregivers can play a crucial role in helping teens identify and work toward achievable goals at home and school. These strategies play a vital role in helping teens build executive functioning, organization and study skills — all tools that will benefit them in the long run. 

“This is the time when we can teach a lot of skills that will launch our teens to adulthood,” says Dr. Christen Manangan, a psychologist and the clinical director for the Odessa Brown Children's Clinic at Seattle Children’s Hospital. 

‘With adolescents, the task is to flexibly support their individuation and autonomy.’

Navigating a sensitive period 

Coaching teens through the goal-setting process can help scaffold their journey to independence. But finding the right amount of guidance can be tricky. Being overly controlling will limit a teen’s ability to develop these skills. If a parent pulls back too quickly, though, that loss of support can feel overwhelming, and the teen may feel too much responsibility and pressure. 

“With little kids, we’re in the mix, showing and teaching,” she says. “With adolescents, the task is to flexibly support their individuation and autonomy.” 

A parent’s role might shift depending upon the individual teen and the specific task at hand. A teen may need additional support in certain subjects and less in others, whether it’s academic or interpersonal realms. 

Self-driven goals matter 

While parents and caregivers can share strategies and support their child’s goals, the teen’s own buy-in is essential. Through open conversations, parents can ask their child what kind of goals feel meaningful and relevant. 

“Tie the goal to something that is important to them,” Manangan says. 

After identifying the goals, parents can help set the teen up for success by establishing home structures and routines that support the end result. This may mean setting family guidelines such as finishing homework before using cell phones or socializing. 

Having a shared definition of success helps, though goals can definitely be adjusted along the way.

Break large goals down 

A lot of times, people are drawn to grandiose, long-term goals. But, refining ambitious goals into something smaller and more immediate often yields better outcomes. 

“Take this large task, break it into components and track progress,” Manangan says. 

Take the scenario of a teen who wants to do well in school. This broad goal leaves a lot open to interpretation, and meanings may vary widely depending upon the individual. Instead, ask your teen what doing well means on a very specific level. Answers to these questions can help pinpoint tangible measures, such as getting As and Bs. Even that, though, can be further broken down. What behaviors and study skills could lead to that achievement? Ultimately, the teen might decide upon a goal of completing homework on time or preparing for tests multiple days in advance instead of cramming. 

If you’re stuck on finding the right size goal, a good question to ask is: What needs to happen this week to set my teen on that path? These small successes will ultimately lead to larger wins. 

“When we feel successful, that builds motivation and the momentum to keep going,” she says. 

Create routine check-ins and communicate 

As teens work toward goals, regular check-ins can help keep them focused. Having a shared definition of success helps, though goals can definitely be adjusted along the way. Priorities may shift, and consistent communication can keep all parties on the same page. 

The frequency of the check-in will likely depend on the individual and the goal. For teens who need a lot of support doing homework, a daily conversation to gauge progress might be helpful. Others might only need a weekly touch-base. 

Over time, the idea is to scale back on the parents’ role, letting the child have more and more responsibility and ownership over their goals. Once your teen has started reaching “mini-goals,” it’s likely time to switch your focus and support to larger milestone goals. 

Strive for support and unity rather than control and authoritarianism.

Emphasize collaboration 

As you work with your teen, it’s important to keep the conversations — and overall process — collaborative. Setting a tone of empathy is key. Seek to understand the perspective of your teenager and to validate their experiences. Strive for support and unity rather than control and authoritarianism. 

“Using effective communication skills is really important,” Manangan says. “A lot of times these conversations can be really charged.” 

Reinforce good habits, celebrate successes 

Staying motivated through difficult or challenging tasks can be hard for everyone. That’s why it’s important to celebrate even small moments of success. Celebrate early and often to keep the momentum going. In some families, that might mean creating a link between meeting daily expectations and obtaining certain privileges like screen time. Verbal phrases of affirmation are a simple and effective strategy. 

“The right approach varies based on norms in families, what feels reinforcing for the teenager, and what is practical for parents to consistently implement,” she says. 

What if it doesn’t work? 

If the goal-setting process isn’t working, go back to the basics and evaluate the goal, expectations, and even your partnership. Consider whether your teen needs more collaboration and support. You might need to add more structure or increase the frequency of check-ins. Perhaps the definition of success needs some refinement, or the goal needs to be broken down into even smaller pieces. Others might need more guidance on organizational skills such as using a planner, checklist or calendar. There are ample organizational resources online that can help track progress on tasks.

Ultimately, the effort is worth the struggles as these same strategies will guide the teenager as they grow into adulthood. As the demands of life intensify, they’ll already have tools to effectively manage new challenges. 

“Not feeling so overwhelmed and stressed and instead feeling like ‘I’ve got this,’ is a huge relief,” she says. 

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