Instilling the Giving Spirit

Editor’s note: This article was sponsored by Mary Bridge Children’s

Children who are lonely don’t always act sad or hopeless. Sometimes, there might be less obvious indicators, such as a child completely obsessed with technology.

Creating a family gratitude practice does not have to be a monumental undertaking. Brief conversations that highlight the day’s positive moments can be woven into everyday rituals, from dinnertime conversations to bedtime chats. 

“It may sound overwhelming, but there is no magic: Build this into what works for your family,” advises Chris Ladish, Ph.D., a pediatric neuropsychologist and AVP of the Bessler Center at Mary Bridge Children’s. 

The act may be simple, but the mental health benefits can be tremendous for children and parents alike. Like any other skill, though, acknowledging everyday gratitude requires practice and attention. The positive impact on the entire family’s dynamic makes this habit well worth the effort. 

“Gratitude as a practice enhances wellbeing, internal joy and creates a sense of harmony,” Ladish says. “Focusing on what we can control and the small things we can attend to can have a huge influence on our emotional states.” 

Identify the small moments 

The first step in a family gratitude practice may come from your own mindset shift. Parents can model simple moments of joy and appreciation that they, too, experience throughout the day such as an energizing phone call with a friend or a compliment from a colleague. Caregivers might also describe being thankful for a child’s simple but meaningful acts of service, from helping locate a lost set of car keys to taking the dog for a walk. 

Pointing out these small moments of positivity can help children understand that gratitude can arise from everyday activities, not simply a large event or material gift. That makes it easier for them to identify those situations in their own lives. 

While verbalizing these occasions alone can make an impact, families can also consider making a list or creating a gratitude journal. If someone did something kind for you, write a note expressing thanks and describing why the action mattered. 

Pointing out these small moments of positivity can help children understand that gratitude can arise from everyday activities, not simply a large event or material gift.

A “joy jar” can help families document and savor these moments of appreciation. Detail the experience on a small piece of paper and place it in a container. 

“And, if you’re feeling ‘I just need a pick up,’ go to that jar, and pull a little slip and remind yourself of the small acts of kindness that can have a large impact,” she says. 

Actions prompt gratitude, too 

Along with identifying moments of gratitude, children can also create those moments for others. 

“Children inherently want to be helpful,” Ladish says. 

Families can also incorporate these small acts of service into their daily life. For example, a child could help an elderly neighbor bring their garbage can in from the curb. They might invite a classmate into their recess play, or offer a friendly smile to a new student. Older children could run errands for neighbors or volunteer to do yardwork. 

As a family, consider how you can integrate volunteer efforts with your existing activities and traditions, such as supporting a community organization. A family who enjoys running, for example, might attend a 5K race that supports a meaningful cause. 

When you do participate in these activities, make sure you engage in conversations about the purpose, Ladish says. If you’re running a race to fund heart disease research, discuss why this action is important and how it benefits the larger community. 

“The growth for children comes in the explanation: How it helps others,” she says. 

Fill up your cup first 

As you incorporate the giving spirit into your family’s activities, it’s important to be mindful of caring for yourselves first. Working gratitude into your existing routines and lifestyle can help alleviate burnout that could arise if you pile more items onto the to-do list. 

“If we are at 40 percent, we can’t give 100 percent of ourselves to others,” she cautions. “We need to care for ourselves first and foremost. That’s a skill.” 

For parents, it’s also important to be mindful of developmentally appropriate gratitude goals and activities for your child. Open conversations and clear communication can help you gauge their readiness. 

Working gratitude into your existing routines and lifestyle can help alleviate burnout that could arise if you pile more items onto the to-do list.

The science of gratitude 

The physical and mental impact of gratitude on adults’ well-being is well documented with studies connecting the practice to lower depression rates, better heart health and improved sleep quality. Acts of gratitude can increase positive feelings and emotions and boost moods. 

These benefits translate for children’s mental health, too. In one study, researchers explored the impact of keeping a gratitude journal for a group of first graders. The effort had a positive impact on their feelings of gratitude and overall well-being, according to the study published in Early Childhood Education Journal. For older children, focusing on gratitude can help combat materialism, and the mental health struggles that the emphasis could otherwise create. 

For parents, too, a focus on being thankful can shift mindsets, which can lead to ripple effects for everyone. A daily family gratitude practice can improve parents’ wellbeing and overall family functioning, research has found. 

Those powerful findings make intuitive sense when you consider what gratitude practice achieves, Ladish says. The very act of expressing appreciation replaces negative thoughts. After all, there’s less room to think about what we’re not doing well when we’re emphasizing what’s going right. 

“In gratitude practice, we pause to think about what we’re grateful for, which enhances a sense of peace and joy,” she says. 

Everyday questions to prompt gratitude 

• Was there a moment at school today when you felt good?
• What friends or family members are you thankful for?
• Did you enjoy any books you read today?
• What are you looking forward to?
• Can you think of a kind comment someone shared with you today? 

Tips for creating a family gratitude practice 

• Weave gratitude questions into your everyday conversations.
• Share your own experiences of gratitude with your children.
• Create a gratitude jar where you put slips of paper identifying moments of joy.
• Use a gratitude journal to document positive moments.
• Write thank you notices to people who offer you kindness.
• Incorporate acts of service and kindness into your everyday interactions. 

Note: The Bessler Center at Mary Bridge Children’s is a multi-sector community partnership with MultiCare Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital & Health Network serving as the backbone agency of collective impact work to create an environment where all children thrive.