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Freak Your Kids Out. Make Cookieburgers

This super-easy recipe is the ultimate April Fools' joke

Published on: March 31, 2015

I make Cookieburgers for a school function every year. Every time I make them at least two kids think they're real. Here are the steps:

1. Unwrap your Peppermint Pattys, aka the burgers

Start by unwrapping two bags of Yorks. You should probably eat a couple, just to make sure they're not poisonous. Stack them up all nice and tidy and set them aside.

2. Set out your Nilla wafers, aka buns

Now you'll need some wafers. Buy two boxes. You don't have to get Nilla wafers. (Kroger-brand Swag Wafers work just as well.) But make sure you buy two boxes of the same brand, because each brand has a slightly different shape and size. Oh, and if you don’t eat all the broken pieces, they will just go to waste.

3. Get out the frosting

Now you need colored frosting: mustard yellow, lettuce-y green and bright tomato red. You can color your own frosting if you like, but any commercially available vanilla frosting will work. If you do that, please consider two pieces of advice from someone who has made a bazillion of these in the past:

- Along with your cookies, buy a box of graham crackers (I'll explain later). 

- Don't make the red frosting.

Yeah, I know. Red frosting is easy! All you have to do is have a little patience and let it sit!

That’s all well and good but this is supposed to be an easy project that you can do on a weeknight. Do you know how much food coloring it takes to make something look like ketchup? Enough to justify buying the pre-made red frosting. No one has time for that.

But really, you can buy the green and yellow, too. It’s totally not cheating.

4. Bloop it on, and be generous!

Bloop some red frosting on there — a "bloop" being the standard unit of measurement between "some" and "a little bit less."

If you are using Wilton or Dec-a-Cake, you will be using their frosting tips as well. Use the round tip for this. If you bought two boxes of wafers and two bags of peppermint patties, you will use the entire tube. If you DON'T use the entire tube, go back and bloop some more on each cookie because what are you going to do with 1/4 c. of leftover red frosting?

Don't be that person. Just use it all. It's okay. You won't get in trouble.

5. Add the "mustard"

If you've used all your red, you will be done with the round tip. Rinse that out with hot water and do the same thing you just did, only now do it in yellow. And if you’ve colored your own frosting, set the leftover aside for later.

6. Patty party!

Remember those peppermint patties? Bust those out and go to town.

7. Make your leaf-tip lettuce 

Next up is the fake lettuce. If you want to get fancy, you can use the leaf tip for this. (The leaf tip will look like a straight line with one side slightly wider.) If you don't want to get fancy, just do some more blooping. It's not going to make much of a difference.

If all lettuce looked like this, my kids would actually eat salad.

7. Top it off with a wafer! 

Can you guess what's next? Suddenly, a wild Cookieburger appears!

8. Almost done!

Note: I recommend setting out as many cookies as you have peppermint patties before you start with the frosting. However you assemble these, you should have them all finished before you go on to the final step.

8. Extra credit: sesame seeds

Actually, you can stop here if you like. These are fine as they are. But if you want to be a perfectionist, you can add the sesame seeds. In order to do that you will need some Karo syrup.

Really, you can use anything you want. I use corn syrup because I have corn syrup. You could probably use agave syrup or malt syrup or any type of sticky form of sugar you are familiar with. (I do not recommend maple syrup. That would not be good.)

9. The final touches

If you use Karo syrup, mix it with a little water to thin it out then microwave it for about 5 seconds. Use a pastry brush or even your clean fingers to dab a little bit on top of each Cookieburger. About 1/5 of a bloop.

Now sprinkle a few sesame seeds on. My kids pick them off but I put them on anyway because I’m persnickety.

And voila! Cookieburgers!

Now watch as your kid goes crazy over how cute they are.

I let them sit overnight (or at least until the frosting has dried a little bit) before serving them, but you don't have to. You can stuff like, twelve of them into your mouth right now if you want. I won't tell anyone.

But wait, there's more!

Do you have leftover frosting? Did you also buy a box of graham crackers as suggested? Because if so, you are in luck.

Snap those graham crackers in half, bloop a bunch of frosting (I’d say, four bloops?) on one side of the cracker, then sandwich it together with the other half. Use as many graham crackers as you need finish up the frosting (you bought them for this very purpose). Now stack your frosting sandwiches neatly on a tray.

Once you're done blooping and sandwiching, stick the whole tray in the freezer for at least two hours, but longer is good. Once they're nice and frozen you can zip them up into a bag, but ours don't really last that long. Graham cracker and frosting sandwiches are not good warm, but something magical and delicious happens when they are frozen.

Trust me on this.

Editor's note: This post originally appeared on Tiffany Pitts' blog, Snickerpants.

Photo credit: Th Sweet Spot Blog, in 15 Mother's Day Treats and Sweets

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