
Photo:
Camille Gullickson
A few years ago, on a family trip to Arizona, we were rounding the bend to a spectacular vista, and my heart was pounding with the thrill of the vastly different landscape. Nearly at the top but not yet at the view, our daughter refused to continue, despite our pleas that if she just stuck with it she’d be rewarded with a panoramic view. “It’s too orange,” she said and took off to the car.
She wasn’t a toddler; she was nearly 16, and this was one of many exasperating scenes where her behavior did not align with our expectations on a family excursion or hike. But it was also the day that we all finally agreed that a neurobehavioral assessment would help unlock the mystery of why her experience of the world could be so different from ours.
When we got home, she willingly participated in an in-depth assessment over several days, led by a psychologist with special expertise in neurodivergent women and girls. But I don’t think any of us were quite prepared for the finding: “Your daughter is autistic.”
What is autism?
Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a developmental disability that often includes challenges with speech and communication, social skills and repetitive behaviors. Autism is not “one-size-fits-all,” and each autistic person has unique strengths and challenges and will benefit from different levels of support.
Late or misdiagnosed diagnosed autism in girls
Autism symptoms in girls are often much more subtle than for boys, and because of this boys are almost four times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls. While on average autism is diagnosed by age 5 in the U.S., our daughter was a classic case of “flying under the radar,” with assessment not even coming up until late elementary school. A few reasons girls may be overlooked include: (1) Sex and gender bias with autism symptoms presenting differently in girls; and (2) autistic girls are often better at “masking” and don’t fit the classic stereotype of people with autism.
Challenges (and successes!) as a neurodiverse adventure family
As a neurotypical parent who relates to the “adventure mom” lifestyle — with a love of travel, hiking and the outdoors — our daughter’s diagnosis hit me especially hard. My entire identity as a person who gets my rosy-faced children outdoors with the same enthusiasm as my own, crumbled. I also found myself filled with grief that we had not known that she was different and had tried to fit her into a mold that wasn’t the right shape for her for so long.
Yet, knowing what I know now, I can only reflect with joy and pride on all of the successful adventures (large and small) that we have had as a family. Let’s face it: Few of us live up to the bad-ass “adventure family” lifestyle image that is carefully curated for Instagram regardless of our unique brain wiring. During the pandemic (and pre-diagnosis), while the kids were remote schooling, we adventured locally and outdoors more than ever before and I began sharing about it on social media. With countless successes and failures, we’ve learned a few things and continue to learn and grow together.

Tips for getting outdoors as a neurodiverse family
Every child (neurodiverse or not) is different, and every family’s needs differ. But these are some things that have helped us adventure on as a neurodiverse family:
- Involve the whole family in planning. When the kids are little, it can be easy to take a “top-down” approach to planning, and that works … until it doesn’t. Arizona was high on my personal bucket list, but we didn’t know it was an environment that would cause dysregulation for our (not-yet-diagnosed) daughter. Interestingly, urban Vancouver was her favorite trip, where “hike” meant miles on foot in the city walking to restaurants (or the cat cafe she helped chose), and she never complained.
- Consider your child’s unique sensory needs. Being in nature is good for mental and physical health, regardless of where you fall on the spectrum. But sensory overwhelm in a new environment can add extra challenges to planning adventures in a neurodiverse family. (Sights or sounds become overwhelming, the sun is too bright, the temperature is different, etc.) Also, people with autism may struggle with coordination and physical fitness, and strenuous hikes may not spark joy for all members of the family.
- Communicate plans and expectations thoroughly. Within our family, when certain members are immersed in screens and/or behind closed doors, it’s not always clear whether important information has been digested. I have a dry-erase calendar in our daughter’s room that I try to keep updated with important monthly items, and I also remind her more than once leading up to a particular expectation. Even then, her willingness to participate may shift at the last minute, and we have to be ready.

- Be flexible. This tip applies to children of all ages, and families of all kinds, and it’s not something my husband or I had excelled at in the past. I’m a real “planner,” often mapping out family excursions and trips well into the future, but I’m working on reducing demands and expectations and always having a “Plan B.”
- Let go. Letting go is similar to being flexible, but for me, it’s more along the lines of the “Low Demand Parenting” approach that can be hard for those of us who set a too-high bar for ourselves and others. It means that I’ll continue to set certain expectations for physical exercise, but try to accept that as a value of mine and not necessarily for everyone else in the family.
- Incorporate their interests and priorities. This means rather than setting your agenda, consider your child’s unique interests and the ways they intersect with your own. Since we all love nature but have different sensory and physical fitness tolerances, this may mean attending a short guided walk on insects or amphibians or visiting a tide pool. Another time I’ll plan a strenuous hike in the mountains with family members who love to hike. Also, when in doubt, involve animals! Whether visiting a farm or attending a short guided butterfly walk, the kids rarely say no if there are cute critters involved.
- Always prioritize safety. This is an area we continue to work on, because “opting out” for my daughter sometimes happens mid-excursion and that can be stressful for all. So we always make sure she has a cell phone, 10 essentials, and a plan and that one of us is prepared to cut an excursion short if it goes south.
- Accepting differences within your family. Accepting that my child’s experience of the world is different than my own as a neurotypical parent, has been very important. I believe this applies regardless of neurotype!
- Fill mom’s (or dad’s) bucket. Over the years, I’ve learned not everyone is as into my adventures as I am, especially on my timeframe. Building friendships outside of my family that help me add fun hikes and adventures to my calendar when my family is doing other things has been important for our family’s overall health. The same goes for siblings who have different needs.
- Keep trying. Despite all the above, I am committed to always keep trying to get my daughter outdoors and engaged in the natural world, even if it’s hard. If she says no this time, I’ll continue to invite her on our outdoor excursion because next time it might work out.

Today, our daughter is a graduating high school senior and college-bound. I’m proud that some of her academic interests include biology and marine biology, which reinforces the values I have instilled from a young age of getting outdoors and engaged in the natural world, even if the ways that she chooses to engage are different than mine. As I redefine what “adventure family” means in the context of a neurodiverse family, I celebrate our successes large and small. (And maybe I’ll plan that next desert trip as a mom’s getaway!)
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