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You wake up before the kids to have a single cup of hot coffee in peace. Before long, multiple kids need things — one needs a diaper change and the other can’t find their study guide for the big test they forgot about today. You frantically check the calendar on your phone with one hand, which has started ringing before 8 a.m. again — your boss has a work problem already. And this is all before breakfast.
The level of stress, the infinitely long list of to-dos and the constant state of giving have moms looking around and wondering, where’s that village I was promised? Or, where is even just one friend to commiserate, grab a drink with or understand what I’m going through? The result: A rising level of burnout and mental health issues for parents, especially moms.
Loneliness and burnout are connected
A 2024 nationwide survey by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that 66 percent of parents felt that parenting demands felt lonely or isolating. The survey also revealed that 62 percent of those surveyed reported feeling burned out by their parenting responsibilities. Seventy-nine percent said they’d like to connect with other parents outside of work and home requirements. But with what time, energy and confidence?
Why moms are lonely
Many moms are with other people all day. Stay-at-home moms are with their kids constantly, working moms are with their coworkers, then their families. You’d think moms just would want a second alone, and they do. But they are also lonely in a way that goes beyond being physically present — they are lonely even when they are with others.
“One thing I know deeply — both professionally and personally — is that loneliness in motherhood isn’t always about being physically alone. It’s about carrying so much and feeling like no one sees it. It’s ultimately the mental load of motherhood that makes us feel lonely today,” says Ash McDonald, a therapeutic mentor, speaker and host of the “Shamelessly Ambitious” podcast.
“There was a season when I’d end every day feeling disconnected, not because I didn’t have people in my life, but because I didn’t know how to let them in. I was exhausted from holding it all and afraid of burdening anyone else or not being able to truly relate to anyone else — assuming only I felt the way I felt.”
Loneliness in motherhood can also come from being home a lot, or switching between home and the car while you run kids to activities. “Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating, particularly when children are very young and routines are home-based,” says Vanessa Bradden a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Simple ways to cope with loneliness and get connected
1. Co-regulation and parallel play
If you’ve ever had a playdate where you just sit with another mom while your kids play nearby, that’s parallel play, and it’s excellent for lonely moms.
Ashley Peña, a social worker and national executive director of Mission Connection, a mental health treatment facility in California, says “Just like toddlers play side-by-side without direct interaction, moms can find comfort in low-pressure companionship. Invite a neighbor over for coffee while your kids destroy the living room, or join a hiking group where conversation is optional. The goal isn’t deep bonding, it’s remembering you’re not alone in the chaos.”
Similarly, McDonald notes that co-regulation can mean just being around others shouldering their own invisible load, or walking with someone without having a serious conversation or any conversation at all. “These are all small but impactful ways to regulate your nervous system and reduce the feeling of loneliness,” she says.
2. Join an activity or volunteer
If your first thought is: Great — one more thing to do, I get it. But what if the activity becomes the thing you want to do each week?
Vanessa Bradden says, “For parents of younger children, activities such as Gymboree or parent-child swim classes offer wonderful ways to meet others with similarly aged children. As children enter school, chances for connection expand through everyday interactions and organized playdates. Volunteering at school is another valuable way to engage with the community and naturally build a supportive network.” Later, she points to team sports as a way for both parents and kids to make new friendships.
“Connecting with moms who have similar aged babies also means nap times are more likely to align, which makes it easier to do things together like go on a morning walk or go to the park in the afternoons between naps,” adds Dr. Rebecca Lesser Allen a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles.
3. Turn small talk into real talk
“When building these connections, I suggest starting with a simple question such as ‘Do you ever feel overwhelmed or is it just me?’ or ‘I find myself frozen sometimes, like I want to go out and socialize but I also just want to sit and have a quiet moment. Do you ever feel that way?’” says Ashley Reckdenwald, a physician assistant and founder of Working Mom Notes, a platform that advocates for working mothers. Instead of wasting an opportunity to have a real conversation with a mom, start one.
4. Curate your own village
“I've discovered the best way to combat loneliness is, first and foremost, don't just build your village, curate it. I think many women believe their village will arrive when they become a mother when in reality, they must not only build it, but be honest about their specific needs and who can be brought in to fulfill those needs,” Reckdenwald says. “This helps minimize disappointment and that feeling of isolation.”
This is why Melissa Wirt, CEO of Latched Mama, a nursing-friendly clothing line and community, wrote her recently released book “I Was Told There’d Be a Village.” In the book, she explores how we overlook little opportunities for connection every day, from running into a neighbor mom to waiting next to another mom after an activity or at school. “There is actually energy and a response that our body has literally just by seeing another mom or seeing another human,” Wirt says. “I think that there’s power in small connections; it completely changes the narrative of how to build your village." So, instead of looking for your next bestie all the time, try to enjoy some small exchanges throughout the day that can still be meaningful and help you feel connected to other people.
5. Plan an interaction with another adult every single day
New moms especially sometimes feel like a burden. But you are not a burden. People want to be around you. “Plan to have a connection with a caring adult once per day, whether that is going to the park for a walk, a phone call or Zoom session, or a home visit where they bring you a meal,” says Lita Simanis a psychotherapist at Partum Health. “A daily adult conversation can be the one thing to look forward to especially when the baby is very little and fully reliant on their caregivers.”
6. Reignite old connections
Ariba Mobin Khan a mom of three and parenting freelance journalist has a trick that has worked well for her — rekindle old friendships with a simple outreach to say hi. “Even if it’s just a quick WhatsApp text or voice note.” She says it’s easy to let friendships fade, but a quick “just thinking of you” can reignite those past relationships.
“As moms, I can relate that we sometimes hesitate to reach out, fearing we’re intruding or that we’ll need to catch up perfectly. But I’ve found that vulnerability disarms that pressure. A message like, ‘Missing our chats, motherhood is beautiful but lonelier than I expected. How are you?’ paves the way for realness,” she says.
“I love voice notes for this reason. When I’m nap-trapped or folding laundry, I’ll record two 2-minute ‘Thinking of you!’ with toddler chaos in the background. It’s raw, relatable and often gets a faster and more heartfelt response than a polished text. These small gestures don’t just rebuild bridges. They just remind us we’re still ourselves beneath the mom identity. And sometimes, that’s the lifeline we need.”
7. Get professional help when you need it
Sometimes we need more than a friend who comes around occasionally. Sometimes we need medical attention for a mental health condition, and that is okay. In fact, 1 in 5 moms have a mental health condition, likely including some of your own friends or acquaintances. Here’s how to find and get help.
- If you need immediate emotional support or you are having a mental health crisis, call 9-8-8 or go to your nearest emergency room.
- Find a therapist to talk to by typing your zip code in Psychology Today and look for those specializing in helping moms, though many therapists can help with that.
- Make an appointment with your health care provider, such as your primary care provider or your OBGYN, to ask about your mental health care, which includes a combination of therapy and medication.
Finally, remember to speak up to family and friends if you are struggling with loneliness — you’ll never know when you’ll hear that they feel the exact same way, too.
More resources to help parents overcome loneliness: |
